While talking about poly relationships this evening, my observant ace girlfriend pointed out that just last summer my sexuality would've made bunnies blush, but these last few months I've been leaning more tortoise than hare.
I gave it some thought, and I believe there are a few things at play.
Thing the first—and most obvious (to me)—I gained a few pounds. Not much, but just enough to make a few pairs of my already skintight jeans too tight to wear comfortably. The funny thing about unrealistic beauty standards is that you can know they're bullshit, and that they're designed to make you feel bad so you'll buy more shit, and that you wouldn't hold anyone else to them...but that doesn't make you go any easier on yourself when you fail to live up to them.
Thing the deuce—I made a friend a little while back, and the relationship got pretty sexually charged. We ended up spending a couple nights together, having sex a few times, and taking a bunch of hot photos...then they kinda ghosted me. There was more to it than that, but the short is that I felt pretty burned, and I've only done a few nude shots since then.
Thing the trois—the US is pretty fucked right now, and the creeping taint has kinda taken a toll on my mood. It takes more energy to just exist day to day, and the result is that I'm being less social—I haven't been to any social events lately, I haven't gone dancing, and I'm even having trouble rallying to go to protests. I'm sure a lot of folx are feeling similarly.
Finally, I've noticed a sharp drop in flirting around here, which I suspect is a result of the general tone of doom in the air.
...
So that's why I haven't been posting new adult content, or giving #AltAfterDark the love it deserves, or going on new dates, or posting #FediRailed Lovense links, or starting punnuendo threads lately.
That all said, I still have two amazing partners who I love very much, and a fantastic sex-life—which is plenty. But a little more flirting wouldn't hurt 😉
I got to read about a dozen nonfiction #books in 2025, and here are the best few (if anyone is looking for ideas):
Big Hair and Plastic Grass: a funky ride through baseball and America in the swinging '70s
by Dan Epstein
Seriously, this book made me prouder to be American. And it's ridiculously entertaining! (1970s culture is so near to us; yet so far.) You don't have to love baseball to enjoy this.
America, América: A New History of the New World
by Greg Grandin
Compares North & Latin America over 600 years, first their social philosophers and then their diplomats. An innovative argument for social democracy.
The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration
by Isabel Wilkerson
This author opted for journalism-style readability, rather than analysis. But that was the right choice. The result is a sort of oral history for several million people?
Lower Than the Angels: A History of Sex and Christianity
by Diarmaid MacCulloch
Big points for ambition (3000 years!), depth, and wit. But it has too much Anglican minutiae, while completely ignoring the Catholic conquest of the Americas.
It Happend One Night (1934) starring Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable was quite the scandalous film when it came out.
It was released just before the Hayes Code locked down any free notions of sex or sexuality.
It’s amazing the watch older films today to see how our society talked about #sex and #sexuality. You’d be surprised how #queer & open many of Hollywood’s are compared to today.
T-shirt design: a sign in the typographic and graphical style of British road signs, showing the words 'Trams rights at all times' on a background in the blue/pink/white of the trans pride flag, with an outline of a tram whose pantograph is reshaped to resemble the trio of the masculine, feminine, and combined symbols used as a trans symbol.
A friend of mine spotted another British street sign that lends itself to #sexuality#activism - this time, for us #bisexual folks - and I couldn't help but draw it:
A trend that I am not fond of in 2025 is this: I've seen men go from sending unsolicited nudes, to aggressively demanding nudes, to aggressively demanding not just nudes but specifying angles, shots and poses.
Gentlemen (using the term generously), apparently this needs saying:
You are not entitled to nude pictures of the bodies of all the women in the world. Especially women you've just met.
Random women are not your personal porn stars.
There is a whole internet full of free porn. Avail yourself of it to your heart's content.
There are hard working people (of all genders) who have accounts on sites like OnlyFans who will be happy to provide you with the custom porn of your desires as a professional service for professional premium rates. If you want a professional service, pay a pro, and support indie content creators.
On a related note, because this seems to need saying as well: "No" is a full sentence.
Note: I am 100% sex positive. That's not what this is about at all.
The issue here is egregious and growing male entitlement to consume women's bodies and sexuality as objects, and also our time and energy.
This isn't an "incel" thing or a "Gen Z" thing: I see it from men of all ages, levels of experience, and for that matter political alignments.
I'm speaking from (extensive) personal experience. I'm exhausted by men acting this way and my patience for it is nil.
[If your experience is different, and I hope it is, then that's not what this post is about and you're welcome to discuss your own experiences on your own account.]
Guys, if you want to make lasting connections with women, I swear it's as easy as treating us as if you saw us as fully human.
On a positive note, men who consistently treat women decently, respect boundaries, and understand consent absolutely stand out. (There are a lot of you on Fedi, too.) Thank you for being the bright lights you are.
Because poll options are limited, I've added abbreviations. I understand this will make the options a bit odd to read. I believe in you!
MSEA = Manual stimulation of Erogenous Areas
PA = Physical Arousal (Spontaneous or Reactive) a.k.a Physiological/Material
PS = Physical Stimulation
MA = Mental Arousal (Spontaneous or Reactive) a.k.a. Emotional/Psychological/Spiritual/Abstract
MS = Mental Stimulation
"MSEA of others by self" => of other people, using your physical actions, e.g. fingering someone
Of the options provided, please select the ones that you regard as correct. Please read them carefully
This is the first poll in what will be a series. Please leave comments with your thoughts and if comfortable, describe some of your experiences to help inform the options on the next poll that I intend to post tomorrow.
💥Just out! Important case for accountability in the online advertising industry. Grindr just lost its appeal, as its data is deemed sensitive under European law. More details forthcoming:
#YESquote: Before We Were #Trans/ Kit Heyam - "If we frame the entanglement of #gender & #sexuality as a relic of an unenlightened past, we erase the experiences of many... often, disproportionately, working-class ppl & ppl of colour." #Pride#QueerHistory#TransRights
bit.ly/3FCuMwX bit.ly/4l4SqRG
LIVEdammit is a mental health support site with stories, tools, free e-course, bookstore & inspiring wearables — for stubborn souls doing the work to stay here, stay human, & stay strong.
There are a loooot of misconceptions and myths surrounding sex, sexuality, and what happens downstairs when someone starts HRT--so let's see what our best science says about it, this week on Stained Glass Woman!
Roman Sexualities by Judith P. Hallett & Marilyn B. Skinner, 1997
This collection of essays seeks to establish Roman constructions of sexuality and gender difference as a distinct area of research, complementing work already done on Greece to give a fuller picture of ancient sexuality.
By applying feminist critical tools to forms of public discourse, including literature, history, law, medicine, and political oratory, the essays explore the hierarchy of power reflected so strongly in most Roman sexual relations, where noblemen acted as the penetrators and women, boys, and slaves the penetrated. In many cases, the authors show how these roles could be inverted--in ways that revealed citizens' anxieties during the days of the early Empire, when traditional power structures seemed threatened.
In the essays, Jonathan Walters defines the impenetrable male body as the ideational norm; Holt Parker and Catharine Edwards treat literary and legal models of male sexual deviance; Anthony Corbeill unpacks political charges of immoral behavior at banquets, while Marilyn B. Skinner, Ellen Oliensis, and David Fredrick trace linkages between social status and the gender role of the male speaker in Roman lyric and elegy; Amy Richlin interrogates popular medical belief about the female body; Sandra R. Joshel examines the semiotics of empire underlying the historiographic portrayal of the empress Messalina; Judith P. Hallett and Pamela Gordon critique Roman caricatures of the woman-desiring woman; and Alison Keith discovers subversive allusions to the tragedy of Dido in the elegist Sulpicia's self-depiction as a woman in love.
Sex and Sexuality in Ancient Rome by L. J. Trafford, 2021
From Emperors and empresses, poets and prostitutes, slaves and plebs, Ancient Rome was a wealth of different experiences and expectations. None more so than around the subject of sex and sexuality.
The image of Ancient Rome that has come down to us is one of sexual excess: emperors gripped by perversion partaking in pleasure with whomever and whatever they fancied during week long orgies. But how true are these tales of depravity? Was it really a sexual free for all? What were the laws surrounding sexual engagement? How did these vary according to gender and class? And what happened to those who transgressed the rules?
We invite you to climb into bed with the Romans to discover some very odd contraceptive devices, gather top tips on how to attract a partner and learn why you should avoid poets as lovers at all costs. Along the way we’ll stumble across potions and spells, emperors and their favourites and some truly eye-popping interior decor choices.
Encyclopedia of Sex and Sexuality: Understanding Biology, Psychology, and Culture by Heather L. Armstrong, 2021
Providing a comprehensive framework for the broad subject of human sexuality, this two-volume set offers a context of historical development, scientific discovery, and sociopolitical and sociocultural movements.