Anxiety is not being afraid when you have genuine evidence that something is about to go wrong. That’s not anxiety, that is a completely reasonable and appropriate fear.
Oh yeah, this reminded me that I still need to watch inside out 2. If I actually get everything packed tomorrow as I am supposed to for my leaving Wednesday, although with the weather, I might have to delay till Thursday. I might rent inside out 2. Though I do have anxiety. Based on her comments here, this is causing me some concern.
🚲🧐 During the 1890s, the sudden popularity of #bicycles led doctors to warn of fictitious ailments like "bicycle face" and "bicycle hand" to discourage independent #travel.
This look at historical #health scares explains how new #tech often triggers social #anxiety and strange medical #myths.
if you're a follower, sorry that I keep doing this, but it's one of the only ways I have of letting my feelings out. I'm just.... lost.
why do I have to be doomed to live with my mom... she knows exactly how to degrade me mentally and deeply affect me, and she uses it against me whenever she wants, whenever it's convenient...
she keeps insulting me and trying to hurt my feelings.
I cannot trust her anymore.
I cannot trust my own mom.
the person responsible for bringing me into this forsaken world doesn't want the responsibility of having to help me and be a good parent to their children.
all she knows to do is to martyrise herself. she "always did everything she could.". she "always did her best.".
lies. all lies.
and deep down she knows it. but her ego is too massive to even get that bit deep with her own emotions and face them.
I cannot keep living here, but I have literally no other option. I don't feel mentally capable of working a normal job, at all. what am I supposed to do with my life anymore?
what has my life come to? how did I end up like this? I turned 29 almost not even a week ago, and my life has been rewound back to the same way it was 5 years ago. all the years spent building a relationship, a future, everything is just gone. everything I depended on to be able to live minimally happy. gone. in a couple of text messages.
I'm so tired of giving 200% of the effort I can muster, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
just to make a little bit of progress and achieve something tiny in my life, like finally brushing my teeth after a week, or actually not forgetting to take my meds on time, or even the simple fact THAT I'M STILL MANAGING TO STAY ALIVE AND NOT END IT ALL, despite all the suffering I endure every single day. all of those things and basically EVERYTHING in my life is EXTREMELY difficult for me to do. just for basically everyone actually in my life in any matter (my family, and one friend, that's all my social interaction irl) to think that I'm simply lazy, or that I just don't want to work, etc., or like everyone in my family says now, that I need to be fucking HOSPITALIZED? because I'm deeply depressed??
what I need is to simply be happy. minimally happy. I need support. I need help. I will never be happy while living here.
the 3 months I lived in mainland Portugal were the best months of my life. I can't remember being any happier than that, I don't think I ever was.
and now I'm stuck on these fucking islands again.
no accessibility to anything at all in the slightest. I can't go anywhere or do anything without a car, which I can't afford to get. I rely on my freaking 75 YEAR OLD GRANDPA to drive me to the supermarket and to the pharmacy when I need it.
and when I can muster enough strength, enough force of will to be alive, and I overcome ONE step of being closer to being better......
....life ALWAYS just comes and punches me in the face, kicks me in the gut, and sets me back more than TEN steps.
it's a vicious cycle. and I can't seem to break out of it.
I need help. I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know how long I can endure living like this. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired. some days ago I woke up and instantly started crying because I realized... "I have to go through all of this.... one more day... again..." and I really broke down crying.
I'm so desperate... why does the world have to be like this??? why would fucking money solve all of my problems???? why is it always about fucking money..... the entire world.... all of our lives.... are dictated by money....
and I can't fucking earn almost any at all for myself monthly.
would it be realistic/correct to try to get mutual aid or start a crowdfunding campaign, or anything of the sort, just so I could MAYBE, just maybe, start saving some money? I don't know, I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore.
what the hell am I supposed to do with a life like this? I'm reaching a breaking point, I can't withstand this anymore.
can someone please help me? guide me? anything? I'm feeling so lost....
EDIT (8th Feb): I'm extremely grateful for the donations that totaled 191.10€.
but at the same time I'm completely devastated, because I couldn't manage to save basically any of it. I have around 90€ on my bank account right now. 1 visit to the pharmacy, it turns into around 75€. one visit to the supermarket, it turns into at least 55€......
how am I supposed to save any money whatsoever???? I can't..... I'll forever be stuck in this hellhole island. forever unhappy. forever waking up and crying my eyes out.
I'm in an extremely dire situation right now, and my life is at at all time low, and I unfortunately need to ask for help. please boost this post if you see it. please.
to start, for context, I'm from Portugal, but not from the mainland. I'm from the Azores, I live in 1 out of 9 islands in this tourist attraction hellhole in the middle of the Atlantic ocean.
I lived for 3-4 months on mainland Portugal, and they were the happiest times of my entire life.
but then I got broken up with, through text messages. my best friend, the only person I had that supported me 100% for almost 6 years, disappeared from my life, and I had to move back to my abusive mom's house, after not living with parents for over 8 years of my life.
my mom is extremely mentally abusive to me. I don't want to go into further details because it's very traumatic to even think about it for me. it's like she's 2 different people. you can check the post this is a reply to for more stuff on how she makes me feel.
I'm unemployed, I've basically always been. all the jobs I tried (3 of them) I had to quit, because it fills me with a terror, a dread, a terrible feeling I can't even explain. I'm constantly extremely afraid of getting scolded for any mistake I might make, and then not be able to stop myself from breaking down crying.
I turned 29 years old not even a month ago, and I can't work. I still didn't start HRT because bureaucracy and bs. I live in a place full of extremely close minded people. I feel miserable. I need to buy and make my own food a lot of the time, and I can't even freaking do it.
my only income is through Prolific, which is an extremely unstable way of getting an income. (I can get lucky and get 100€ in one month, but I can also get under 5€ in one month)
on top of all that, I suffer a lot from a lot of depression and anxiety every single day, to a point where I cannot bring myself to do something that should be simple, like having a normal sleep schedule, or being able to shower when I should, etc.
those are the only things I have diagnosed and take medication for. I heavily suspect that I have some form of ADHD, and I'm certainly above the average on the autism spectrum, but all my tries to get any diagnosis of that were met with replies like my psychiatrist instantly looking up at me, and saying "you don't have autism for sure, and I really think ADHD is very very unlikely for you".
I'm asking for any donation you can make whatsoever, as even something like 5€ make a huge difference in my life, and is the difference from being able to buy something to eat in a day I'd really need it, or not.
my ultimate goal is to save up money to get the hell out of here. or at least enough to have my own apartment or something, but even here, the housing crisis is awful. and the problem with trying to save money is that I can never end up saving anything in the long run... I NEVER SPEND MONEY ON UNNECESSARY STUFF, and I always end up running out of money completely and having to go into any savings I try to have.
if I had at least ~400€ a month (way less than minimum wage) I'd be able to live way more comfortably, and probably be able to save some money, so that's my goal for now. every month I need to spend around 100€ on medication, 200€, but probably more, on food alone, 5€ for phone provider, and probably way more than 100€ on other groceries and stuff I need to buy sometimes. I even have to buy stuff like my own water, or milk, or clothes detergent for me to be able to wash my own clothes separately, because of how abusive my mom can be and use everything she does for you against you.
again, if you want more details of how bad my situation is, you can check the post this is a reply to.
PayPal is unfortunately the only online thing I can receive money through, but if you prefer, I can share my IBAN on DMs for a bank transfer. (or MBWAY, if you're somehow from portugal) https://paypal.me/justyellow7
thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for even reading and/or boosting this post, if that's all you can do.
The physiological sigh is a science-backed breathing technique that quickly lowers our heart rate and helps our nervous system to calm down. It’s a great way to come back to balance when we feel #stress or #anxiety. And doing it regularly helps to prevent #burnout.
Thanks for taking care of yourself! You’re definitely worth it 🙏🏼
As I finish drinking coffee and start unplugging any non-essential electric / electronic stuff, I feel what I can only describe as an icy cold knot in my stomach. #Anxiety#MovingSucks
"if I'm this mentally bad,"
to the point that I can't do "the minimum a person should do", like being able to maintain my hygiene more than once or twice a week, for example;
that the ONLY solution is to be admitted into some kind of mental rehabilitation clinic.
I've told them multiple times I think that would just destroy my life, because those places tend to be extremely strict and "follow the rules or else", and I KNOW FOR A FACT that wouldn't work out well for this.......
when they answer that, systematically, it makes me feel that, because they don't know what do to or how to approach this, they're just discarding me off to somewhere else. so I'm no longer their problem.
and I'm sure I have a lot of undiagnosed mental issues.... I feel like there's no way I'm not somewhat high on the autism spectrum, and there's no way I don't have ADHD or some very similar condition...
anyways, my question is:
do you think getting admitted into a clinic (where I'll stop having ALL my comforts like my computer) as a treatment for being heavily depressed and anxious, is something acceptable??
I'm always listening, learning, and growing. I try to speak from my experiences (including my privilege), and make many mistakes along the way. I invite you to challenge my thoughts, share your perspectives, agree or disagree, and otherwise interact with me; and maybe together we can grow as individuals and strengthen this community.
First Aid for stress or anxiety: 🌬 breathe consciously...
Breathing is one of those systems that works both unconsciously and consciously. So it's a great bridge between us and our nervous system.
Level 1: Observe your breath.
Just tune in to your breath. No need to change, judge, or label anything. Closing your eyes can help, but it's not necessary.
Level 2: Lengthen your exhale.
Any time our exhale is longer than our inhale, we activate the parasympathetic branch of our nervous system. This one's in charge of our 'rest & digest' mode, so our heart rate and blood pressure go down.
Level 3: The physiological sigh
This has the same effect as level 2 but works much faster. Inhale through your nose as deeply as you can. Then inhale a little more. Exhale through your mouth as slowly as possible, ideally with an audible sigh or hum.
These techniques help us relax and strengthen our vagal tone: the connection between our brain and our body. And the more often we do them, the mosr cumulative effect we get.
Luckily, there's a simple way to make this a sustainable habit. Curious? Just click the link and check out the slides from my talk on this at MOME Open earlier this month.
Thank you for being here! And thank you for taking care of yourself. 🙏🏼
And thank you Fanni, Máté, and Froukje for inviting me to give this talk all the way in Budapest! And thank you Jens for that lovely photo of me ☺️
My original #introduction post is now over 2 years old, so time for a refresh!
I’m Becky, happily married mum of 2 boys at high school (one with #autism, the other awaiting assessment). I suffer with social #anxiety and occasional atypical #depression. We live in the English countryside and run an online business.
Today’s frame in the filmstrip reel that I run through my head when the day is overwhelming or when sleep is slow to come.
Sunrise on Lake Superior from Whitefish Point in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. This was the first place I ever felt that deep, peaceful vibe — long before I felt something similar while looking out over the Pacific at Big Sur.
A serene beach scene at sunrise at the Whitefish Point Lighthouse on Lake Superior, featuring calm waters with gentle waves lapping at the shore. The sky is filled with soft clouds in shades of blue and pink, and a faint sunset is visible on the horizon. The sandy beach includes patches of small stones.
When life feels heavy, I create what I think of as a little filmstrip in my mind as I’m drifting off to sleep. I fill it with images of beautiful or comforting things, letting them take the place of the day’s hurts and tomorrow’s worries.
Here is today’s frame in the filmstrip - sunset on Lake Superior. It was a superb summer night in Upper Michigan.
A serene beach scene at sunset featuring three people walking along the Lake Superior shoreline. The sky is filled with clouds and vibrant hues of orange, pink, and purple as the sun sets over the waves.
Another frame in the filmstrip that I run through my head on difficult days and when I’m trying to fall asleep at night. This was a photo I took through the windshield of my vehicle as I drove around aimlessly in Grosse Pointe, Michigan, early in the morning a couple years ago.
A tree-lined street in autumn, featuring vibrant red and yellow foliage. A clear road leads through the neighborhood, with sidewalks and a few parked cars visible. A fire hydrant stands on the left, and the sky appears overcast.
I went on a date yesterday after a very long time. Despite my immense fear and nervousness, it went very well, and I secured a second date.
I was very pleased after my long term setbacks and years of depression. Still, I'm afraid to enjoy these pleasant feelings because I'm afraid that in the end I'll just suffer again anyway.
Another frame in my mental health filmstrip that run through my head in times of stress or as I am trying to fall asleep at night….
A couple years ago, we got snow in the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Blue Ridge Parkway maintenance crew cleared a stretch of road between gates. I happily went up with my SUV and got photos of (my) lifetime.
Unedited, this was the light that day on the mountain. It was quite cold in the 20s but the view is what took my breath away. In the valley, we don’t often see a lot of snow, not like I’m used to seeing when I lived in Michigan. So this was a treat!
A snow-covered road on the Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia lined with trees, their branches also coated in snow. The sky is partly cloudy with patches of blue. Snow has been cleared from the road, revealing dark asphalt.
When life feels heavy, I create what I think of as a little filmstrip in my mind as I’m drifting off to sleep. I fill it with images of beautiful or comforting things, letting them take the place of the day’s hurts and tomorrow’s worries.
Here is today’s frame in the filmstrip - a late winter capture from the Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia. The layers of light and the depth of field was marvelous!
With nearly every photo I make, I can recall the exact feeling of that moment. Here, it was the stillness of morning, the breathtaking sweep of the mountains, the soft light, and the scent of fresh air—all blending into a moment that eased both heart and soul. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I could truly breathe again, free from the weight I had carried into the mountains in search of refuge.
A scenic view of mountains under a partly cloudy sky, with sunlight breaking through the clouds. The landscape features bare trees and rolling hills, showcasing a mix of shadows and sunlight across the terrain.
To get past the hurt and trauma of the day, I’m trying to post something every day that makes me smile or laugh. I’m currently in the middle of a serious family medical emergency that has taken me back to my home state of Michigan. I’m looking for any and all things, big or small, that will take my mind off the life and death circumstances here.
I like to fall back to familiar views and here is today’s piece - a view of the Mackinac Bridge from Bridge View Park in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. A lake freighter had just passed under the bridge when we arrived.
A view of a bridge spanning a body of water, with a distant ship emitting smoke. In the foreground, flowers and shrubs are visible along the shoreline, under a cloudy sky.