MonotoneofBill

MonotoneofBill , 4 hours ago to random

Anthropophobic vegans avoid meet.

MonotoneofBill , 11 days ago to random

My ibuprofen no longer has any idea where it has been asked to help.

MonotoneofBill , 15 days ago to random

“I got the name of that woodwind wrong. Thanks for clarinet up.”

MonotoneofBill , 20 days ago to random

“Why do recording studios have those things on the wall?”

“It’s baffling.”

MonotoneofBill , 27 days ago to random

I like to learn something new every day.

The word for cat in ancient Egypt was pronounced “mew” or “meow.”

MonotoneofBill , 1 month ago to random

Monkeys sharing an Amazon password:

PRIME-mates.

MonotoneofBill , 1 month ago to random

Came up with a slew of airplane puns. Sadly, none of them fly.

MonotoneofBill , 1 month ago to random

Our brain works 24/7, 365 until we fall in love.

MonotoneofBill , 1 month ago to random

May your resolution not go in one year and out the other.

MonotoneofBill , 1 month ago to random

From "The Current" - The doctor diagnosed me with Autocorrect Syndrome. I didn't even know I was I'll

MonotoneofBill , 2 months ago to random

Discord. Not to be confused with datcord.

MonotoneofBill , 2 months ago to random

Some egg puns don’t go over easy.

MonotoneofBill , 2 months ago to random

We’re all entitled to be stupid from time to time but some people abuse the privilege.

MonotoneofBill , 2 months ago to random

We watched a frog documentary last night. Truly ribbeting.

MonotoneofBill , 2 months ago to random

Jenny: “I am an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.”

MonotoneofBill , 3 months ago to random

Learning something new is always desirable.

The odds of getting a royal flush are 1 in 649,740.

MonotoneofBill , 3 months ago to random

I’m awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

MonotoneofBill , 3 months ago to random

A thought before long-gone Happy Hours:

“Coffee–you’re on the bench;
Alcohol–suit up.”

MonotoneofBill , 3 months ago to random

A walk in the woods was relaxing. The fact I was dragging a body in a tarp behind me is irrelevant.

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Anyone know an easy-maintenance house plant? Asking for a frond.

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Diarrhea Awareness Week runs until Friday. (Ed. Note: The pneumonic to remember its spelling is Did Isaac Asimov Really Roll His Eyes? Absolutely).

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Which dinosaur had the best oral hygiene?

Flossiraptor.

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Didn’t mean to actually push all your buttons. I was looking for mute.

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Why do so many toilet paper brands need advertising? Who’s not buying it?

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Cassettes had side-A and side-B, so it's only logical that their successor would be the CD.

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

It was hard for some ‘70s studio musicians to pull themselves out of a funk.

MonotoneofBill , 4 months ago to random

Act like an adult, you say? Have you seen how adults are acting these days?

MonotoneofBill , 5 months ago to random

What has practically no weight yet few can hold it? The tongue.

MonotoneofBill , 5 months ago to random

I’m returning your nose. I found it in my business.

MonotoneofBill , 6 months ago to random

Crikey. I was just minding my own business and suddenly 1975 was 50 years ago.

MonotoneofBill , 7 months ago to random

A day lasts 1,408 hours on Mercury — the same as a Monday on Earth.

MonotoneofBill , 8 months ago to random

When God created ducks he thought, “I’ll waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.”

MonotoneofBill , 9 months ago to random

Beer has hops. Hops are the flowers of the hop plant. Beer is a salad.