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trashcan@sh.itjust.worksM to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.works · 2 months ago

Man who gets winded climbing stairs describes plan to repel home invasion

www.thebeaverton.com

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Man who gets winded climbing stairs describes plan to repel home invasion

www.thebeaverton.com

trashcan@sh.itjust.worksM to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.works · 2 months ago
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GEORGE, NB - Despite no self-defense training and being incredibly out of shape, cell phone kiosk employee Wade Creamer, 27, has often described to friends his plans for countering a potential home invasion.
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  • CubitOom@infosec.pub
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    2 months ago

    I would literally die if someone did this to me

  • Rolder@reddthat.com
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    2 months ago

    Makes me think of Cassius Clay, guy from the late 1800s who defended his home at the age of 89 with a pistol and a knife. And had a home defense cannon just because.

    • Aqarius@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Tally-ho!

      • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today
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        2 months ago

    • Nomorereddit@lemmy.today
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      2 months ago

      Once a sheriff was sent to arrest clay in his 80s with 5 deputies.

      Sheriff returned to judge and said he couldn’t complete the arrest and wouldn’t try again without 100 armed national guardsman.

      • Rolder@reddthat.com
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        2 months ago

        Yep because clay used his home defense cannon to convince them to leave lmao

    • pepsi_not_coke@sh.itjust.works
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      2 months ago

      Muhammad Ali wouldn’t even need a pistol or knife to make me run away screaming.

      • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca
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        2 months ago

        I think Ali was named after the 1800s guy.

        • Rolder@reddthat.com
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          2 months ago

          Correct

  • Triumph@fedia.io
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    2 months ago

    Firearms are the great equalizer.

    • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world
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      2 months ago

      Yeah it equalizes your chances of killing your family by mistake to roughly the same as a home invader killing them.

      • Triumph@fedia.io
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        2 months ago

        It’s more dangerous to have a swimming pool.

        • JoeyHarrington@lemmy.ca
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          2 months ago

          Truth. The day my swimming pool started packing was the day I left home.

        • julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works
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          2 months ago

          This is really only close to true statistically if you’re under 4, thank fuck America isn’t shooting many toddlers yet (but the number isn’t zero). There are about 1200 deaths a year in domestic pools in the US and 46000 gun deaths.

          • SupraMario@lemmy.world
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            2 months ago

            A) you’re way off…3500-4000 drown in the USA a year. We’ll call that accidents.

            B) accidental gun deaths per year are around 450-500…

            You wanna do statics, do them right and stop making shit up. Your anti-gun propaganda you drink has always had to make shit up to get people to believe their crap. No having a firearm in your home is not magically more deadly than owning a pool. Period.

            • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca
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              2 months ago

              …3500-4000 drown in the USA a year. We’ll call that accidents.

              B) accidental gun deaths per year are around 450-500…

              Yeesh. Another gun-clutcher.

              Drowning deaths in America includes every kind of drowning death, and so lake and boating and surfing and oil rig and commercial fishing accidents pump that number up.

              You wanna do statics, do them right and stop making shit up.

              Hypocrisy is fun. And the word is statistics.

              • SupraMario@lemmy.world
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                2 months ago

                Yesh another anti gun nut who thinks that we should disarm ourselves while we have fascist in power…

                See my other comment as well to your other points.

                • julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works
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                  2 months ago

                  OK rambo, how many fascists have you shot so far…

            • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
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              2 months ago

              The fun thing about statistics is they dont apply to single individuals.

            • julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works
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              2 months ago

              A) includes drownings in bathtubs an natural water (where majority of drownings happen) B) so people who died to domestic violence or suicide are safe are they?

              “You wanna do statics, do them right and stop making shit up.”

              Source for majority of drowning deaths non-pool related: https://www.statista.com/chart/34873/rates-of-unintentional-drowning-deaths-and-drowning-locations/?srsltid=AfmBOoreeroH378wf2OA0D3nU9ZbuMfzFgmO1VcicvcFUwRF2G1scUA_

              Source for actual total gun deaths, because danger doesn’t just mean accidents: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2025/03/05/what-the-data-says-about-gun-deaths-in-the-us/

              • SupraMario@lemmy.world
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                2 months ago

                Suicide isn’t an accident and neither is domestic violence. You don’t accidentally off yourself and you can’t accidentally have domestic violence. You also can’t suicide via water either…well not without a ton of work.

                You’re bullshit stat is about how having a gun magically makes you more likely to be a victim of gun violence, which is not correct.

                • julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works
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                  2 months ago

                  https://academic.oup.com/aje/article-abstract/160/10/929/140858

                  Why do you keep talking about “magic” and “accidents”. Just because you don’t want deadly weapons to be a risk factor doesn’t mean that they aren’t. It’s just a fact. And an obvious and intuitive one at that.

          • Triumph@fedia.io
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            2 months ago

            https://poolfence.com/are-guns-more-dangerous-than-your-pool/

            • julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works
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              2 months ago

              Yeah, obviously a company that sells pool safety products wants to emphasise pool safety (and I’m not trying to say pools aren’t dangerous BTW)

        • AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          The risks of shooting your family with a swimming pool are amazingly small though.

          • Triumph@fedia.io
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            2 months ago

            I drown by gunfire every day.

        • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world
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          2 months ago

          I’m not talking about swimming pools I’m talking about the risks of shooting your family while trying to protect them being larger then the infinitesimal chance that you might John Wick some home invaders and save the day.

        • Valmond@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          It’s more dangerous to be moron.

        • julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works
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          2 months ago

          I remember now that this BS comes from freakonomics. The irony of that bastion of “contrarian thought” is that so many people seem to have lost their ability to think critically while reading it.

    • SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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