There’s really nothing like the feeling that something that brought so much joy into your life will no be able to do so, and a relationship you cherished cannot go further.

I’ve been kicking rocks and getting called on my shit by good friends, but I’m staring inevitably right in the face—i cannot salvage my failed relationship as I am, and i probably will never be able to even as I get better.

My job situation has been terrible over the last year and it set on a panic in me that i let go for too long. It instilled a doubt in my partner of the future we were trying to get to together, and after talking to them, i had to hear there was a relief to get away from me, to put me behind.

And they’re right, i was backsliding even before then, even before we met, and i deserve to do more for myself. I definitely feel like i hit that rock bottom. I am still in the pain of impact tho, but now i’m filled with a grief about how beautiful it was to love someone. I dont want to give up, but i have to refocus.

I am someone capable of loving someone with my whole heart still, and I wont lose that. And I’ll keep a flame lit, i cant stop loving that easily or i have to wonder had i ever loved that way at all.

meow-hug

  • Dort_Owl [they/them, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    5 months ago

    At the risk of sounding cheesy

    The only way we learn is through fucking up. The only way you can love is by letting yourself be vulnerable to some of the worst pain if things don’t go how you hoped, and that’s often the way things go. There’s no shame in that, it just happens.

    Your willingness to self reflect is a strength. It means you have the opportunity to grow. You gotta let yourself feel like shit for a while and eventually build yourself back up. Same as a broken arm or something, you give it time to heal. You seem to understand that so I think you’ll be fine in the end. Just take a step back, reflect, heal, and don’t act impulsively for a while.

  • Grownbravy [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    8·
    5 months ago

    I was supposed to just pick up some stuff, but in bringing down my shit, they accidentally locked themselves out of their apartment. It sort of forced us to have to talk about things. But the tone didnt feel like anything was reversible.

    We managed to get in touch with a roommate to pick up keys and i offered to drive. It felt cruel of fate to do that, but it felt good to get everything off my chest and to let them know I actually understood.

    They hugged and kissed me, it felt over now. I hate it because I still cant. It overwhelms me from time to time. I cant seem to not make irrational decisions like listening to some of the playlists made about us. I did never appreciate the depths of their love, did i?

  • NewOldGuard@lemmy.mlEnglish
    3·
    5 months ago

    I’m dealing with similar emotions right now. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It is a beautiful thing to have loved and you will love again. But I know what it feels like to lose your other half. You will rebuild and there will be sunshine again

      • NewOldGuard@lemmy.mlEnglish
        2·
        5 months ago

        I appreciate that. My sister and friends have shown up for me in a huge way these past few days. I’m someone who struggles with social anxiety so my circle is small and I’m not as close as I’d like to be with them, but they’ve treated me like family through this. I don’t think I’d be able to cope healthily without them