Literally bipolar af, literally just switching between the “good mom” persona and “tiger mom” like with a snap of a finger… jesus christ I think my mom needs more psychiatric help than I do, wtf mom, who the fuck are you?
The “how are your relationship with parent” question comes up mom be like “just let me stay here with you, I don’t even understand” (in Cantonese) bruh wtf she’s literally a citizen and knows English and she’s still pulling that crap. So I told her to leave the room anyways…
Then on the drive home mom asked what I said about the “hows the relationship” thing… I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDNT UNDERSTAND 🧐
😭
Idk wtf I even get being born to this family… I rather lose my knowledge of Chinese Language and be reincarnated in a normal family pls.
Also this is USA so I need my parent’s money to even have healthcare… so yeah… not going away any time soon.
Mom keeps spreading rich people propaganda and shit like “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” because mom somehow made a bunch of money through investments and she thinks I could just do the same…
I can not even say anything because she’d just reply “you have it better than most people” so none of what I say is valid because “people here get kicked out at 18 and struggling paycheck to paycheck, but you have our support”
So close to just jumping off a bridge
Also I still need to do another session of idk whatever-the-fuck to get medications. That’s next month…
aaahhhhhhh
Whatever
But silver lining, more materials for my future memoir… I guess… 🤷♂️
Happy to hear you went to therapy! A while back it seemed like that wasn’t really an option.
I hope the medication will help you at least (and I’m sure you’ll get it). It sounds like you’re making progress, even if it might not seem that way – somewhat stuck between your mother and the limited options outside. But I think you’re strengthening yourself and making moves to better your life.
If you can’t fly, run; if you can’t run, walk; if you can’t walk, crawl; but by all means, keep moving
- Dr. Martin Luther King
Are you familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder? If not, check it out.
A strong fear of abandonment. This includes going to extreme measures so you’re not separated or rejected, even if these fears are made up.
That’s me… I fear my mom would abandon me and I lose this emotional connection
A pattern of unstable, intense relationships, such as believing someone is perfect one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel.
Both of us.
I also have an intese desire to be perfect mother-son again like we used to be
She tells me she loves me repeatedly then quickly changes to “don’t make me abandon you”
I don’t get BPD vibes from any of your posts. I’m talking about her. Namely, the intense emotions, the mood swings, the insecurity. Fear of abandonment is very common, and unstable relationships can have other causes.
Like, say, an avoidant attachment style due to abuse and emotional neglect from a BPD mother, for example.
Frasier - “Very often the key to mental health is distancing ourselves from our parents.”
I wish I could be more insightful. I had a friend with severe anxiety, hung out with her and her mom for a week, and I was developing anxiety (mom was scary). I’m not suggesting you cut these people out of your lives, but a little distance and not being in constant communication can help a lot.
I mean people have said to join the military to run away… but then we got a new sheriff in town and the sheriff hates me for how I look… (non-white in USA)
Joining the military isn’t running away. It’s a way out for a lot of people that don’t have better alternatives. The branch you pick has a lot to do with how you end up. They are all going to be hard in their own ways. Most of the time you will be either fixing vehicles, moving things, or planning on moving things.
Air-force seems to be the best in terms of quality of life. In college I met quite a few Air force people who were full on retired just after the age of 36.
