So my appointment was today. Literally on the drive there, mom said stuff that made me sort of cry... then she tried to listen in during the intake session... I'm so tired...

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Literally bipolar af, literally just switching between the “good mom” persona and “tiger mom” like with a snap of a finger… jesus christ I think my mom needs more psychiatric help than I do, wtf mom, who the fuck are you?

The “how are your relationship with parent” question comes up mom be like “just let me stay here with you, I don’t even understand” (in Cantonese) bruh wtf she’s literally a citizen and knows English and she’s still pulling that crap. So I told her to leave the room anyways…

Then on the drive home mom asked what I said about the “hows the relationship” thing… I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDNT UNDERSTAND 🧐

😭

Idk wtf I even get being born to this family… I rather lose my knowledge of Chinese Language and be reincarnated in a normal family pls.

Also this is USA so I need my parent’s money to even have healthcare… so yeah… not going away any time soon.

Mom keeps spreading rich people propaganda and shit like “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” because mom somehow made a bunch of money through investments and she thinks I could just do the same…

I can not even say anything because she’d just reply “you have it better than most people” so none of what I say is valid because “people here get kicked out at 18 and struggling paycheck to paycheck, but you have our support”

So close to just jumping off a bridge

Also I still need to do another session of idk whatever-the-fuck to get medications. That’s next month…

aaahhhhhhh

Whatever

But silver lining, more materials for my future memoir… I guess… 🤷‍♂️

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Are you familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder? If not, check it out.

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OP

A strong fear of abandonment. This includes going to extreme measures so you’re not separated or rejected, even if these fears are made up.

That’s me… I fear my mom would abandon me and I lose this emotional connection

A pattern of unstable, intense relationships, such as believing someone is perfect one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel.

Both of us.

I also have an intese desire to be perfect mother-son again like we used to be

She tells me she loves me repeatedly then quickly changes to “don’t make me abandon you”

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I don’t get BPD vibes from any of your posts. I’m talking about her. Namely, the intense emotions, the mood swings, the insecurity. Fear of abandonment is very common, and unstable relationships can have other causes.

Like, say, an avoidant attachment style due to abuse and emotional neglect from a BPD mother, for example.

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