Showing posts with label magic items. Show all posts
Showing posts with label magic items. Show all posts

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Culinary Guide to Wizard Entrails

Many adventurous forays reach their climax with the death of an evil, unloved, or otherwise unappreciated wizard. Once said wizard transforms into a corpse, the wide-eyed murderers will quite invariably leap into the activity of looting the body and/or homeplace of the slain magician. Not so fast, adventurers! Don’t you realize that by ignoring that wizard gristle you are passing up on an opportunity for some extraordinarily good eats? Don’t be shy! Get it while it’s fresh!

 As wizards age and become more magically powerful, they also become more magically delicious. Prolonged exposure to magic results in internal, and sometimes external, changes in a wizard’s physiology. The five growths of greatest interest are:


Generic Torma Growth 
These growths are always found in the central lobes of old wizard brains. They are dense clusters of neurons used to memorize spells and forumlae - biologic flash drives, if you will. Inhaling a freshly extracted torma growth into one's sinus will increase Intelligence by 1d4 for 2d6 days.


Marple Gland
A gland that forms within the nape of the neck in wizards who have done a good deal of interdimensional travel. Consumption of a whole, dried Marple Gland will allow Astral Projection for 2d4 hours.



Nodes of Sincture
These resinous globules form inside the vitreous humours of the eyeballs of master wizzes. The swallower of one of these eye pearls will be able to Detect Magic for 1d4 days.


Glabba Sac
This black greasy sac may be found located near the liver of evil wizards. A small volume (never more than 1 milliliter) of glistening black oil may be extracted from the sac by disruption and pressing. The volume of oil extracted is dependent on the degree of heinousness of the wizard. A drop of this oil placed upon the tongue will act as a Protection From Good spell for 2d4 turns.


The Downy Pinkus
This growth manifests as a rod-like organ that floats freely in the abdominal cavities of wizards. A wizard’s Downy Pinkus grows one inch per level, so a seventh–level wizard will have a seven inch Downy Pinkus. The rubbery alabaster rod of the Downy Pinkus is covered with a smooth layer of cilia, which is where the name comes from. This organ serves as an ultraphysical antenna for transmitting magical energy. Cooking a Downy Pinkus will give it a texture much like a fuzz-covered sausage, although the organ has an odd metallic flavor. Consumption of a whole cooked Downy Pinkus will imbue the masticator with ESP abilities for a number of hours equal to organ’s length in inches.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Recycling Human Heads Into Magical Items

A mind is truly a terrible thing to waste. In fact, many centuries ago it was common, even fashionable, for magicians to recycle unused or unneeded brains into handy little fellows known variously as “chi-chi friends”, “scholars’ helpers”, or “homunculons”. These homunculons, as we will call them here, typically consist of a human head with a few extra appendages or features added – fingers, eyes, ears, toes, etc. Players can gain a great deal of pleasure and utility from owning and caring for a homunculon. One of these little guys can truly be a magician’s best friend!

Care and feeding of homunculons is fairly simply. Because they can go into a hibernation-like torpor between moments of activity, they do not require much in the way of food or drink. After each use, just make sure your homunculon gets a bite or two of grub and a sip of something to wet its tongue. A dormant homunculon can sit for centuries between uses. Be sure to keep your homunculon clean! Because they lack gastrointestinal tracts, they tend to relieve themselves rather quickly after a meal. They have little buttocks at their napes, you see. Some homunculons may tend to have strong appetites, which can lead to a bit of a mess.
If a Dungeon Master wishes, she may randomly determine the nature of any homunculon her players may make acquaintance with:

Type of Homunculon (1d6):

1. Reminder – Once per day a Reminder can read and memorize a single magic user spell of level 1-3 and “remind”, or recharge, a magic user’s memory of that spell. This assumes the magic user has the ability and a memory slot available, either through having recently cast a spell or by not having previously filled the memory slot for that day.

2. Reciter – Can read, memorize, and verbally recite up to 50,000 words of normal text.

3. Reader
– Can read and verbally translate normal text. Knows 2d6 languages.

4. Transcriber – Usually in the form of a large hand / head fusion. Can read, memorize, and transcribe up to 50,000 words of normal text.

5. Translator – Can verbally translate up to 2d6 spoken languages.

6. Analyzer – Once per week an Analyzer can observe a spell being cast and has chance of learning the spell, which it can then transcribe into writing. Analyzers always have a hand and/or several fingers attached to aid in transcription. To learn a spell, the Analyzer must be able to clearly see and hear the spell being cast from no more than 15’ away. To determine if the attempted spell learning is successful you must roll the spell’s level or higher on a 1d4 (for example, for the homunculon to learn a 3rd level spell you must roll a 3 or 4 on a 1d4). Some rare and valuable Analyzers, fashioned from the brains of once-powerful magicians, can roll 1d6 or even 1d8 for this purpose
Roll for Two Extra Characteristics (1d6 twice):
  1. 1d8 extra fingers
  2. 1d4 extra eyes
  3. 1d4 extra ears
  4. 1d4 toes
  5. Head attached to a foot
  6. Head attached to a hand (required for Transcribers and Analyzers)
Size: 2d4 pounds
Intelligence Level (1d4):
  1. Animal
  2. Toddler
  3. Average
  4. Genius
Personality Trait (1d20):
  1. Giggly
  2. Surly
  3. Enthusiastically helpful
  4. Snobby
  5. Poetic
  6. Manic depressive
  7. Co-dependent
  8. Cowardly
  9. Pretentious
  10. Likes to sing
  11. Problem with hiccups, farting, or burping
  12. Overly hirsute
  13. A beautiful face
  14. Desires fine clothing
  15. Dope addict
  16. Amorous
  17. Loves fine wine
  18. Awesome moustache
  19. Charming personality
  20. Only a child