i keep an ongoing self-sabotage streak with what good universe gives me, with little sense of self-worth, no place of security, feeling constant deja vu illusions about the future to not feel surprised in the present.

i never get angry because i feel unentitled to be that - my boundaries are scary to defend.

i keep pushing myself to not disappoint because it feels like life and death exclusion - yet i always fail what i set out to not disappoint with because i was running on steam.

  • Paragone@piefed.socialEnglish
    3·
    21 days ago

    The error is in the false-framing of “reclaiming self-worth”:

    it isn’t reclaiming what one had, since what one actually-had was not what one needs, & was itself false-framed.

    What one needs, is autonomous, independent, validity, & intrinsic self-worth, which never would have converted into self-hatred/self-poisoning/self-negation, etc.

    So, one has to intentionally earn an independent kind of self-worth which is UNlike what one was brought-up in.

    That is a claiming, not a “re”-claiming.

    Think of it as being like letting-go of the pop-up-book childhood “reality”,

    AND intentionally-letting-go of the horror-novel “substitute”,

    in exchange for ACTUAL investment in one’s future, because it isn’t fundamentally-honest to hold the pathogen’s perspecive of one’s “worthlessness” so that pathogens can win more totalitarian dominion throughout the world, & one wants enough integrity to have NOT sided with the parasites/pathogen ideologies of this world.

    _ /\ _

  • Bustedknuckles@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    20 days ago

    Another way to put the good comment above is that right now, you have given your self-worth evaluation to other people. You rely on them to decide how to feel about yourself. Reclaiming your self-worth is taking back that control and judging yourself by internal metrics rather than what you believe other people may think