It’s literally been almost 2 years…

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

September 2022 was the last time I updated my list of 100 based on Laura Vanderkam’s book 168 Hours—almost two years ago! This list was first created in February 2022, and I think it’s time to see where I am and refresh my list of lifelong dreams! The bolded/italicized ones have been completed since I first made the list.

I am letting go of these:

  1. Complete Google project manager certificate – I don’t care anymore
  2. Publish my dad’s memoir – I think he wouldn’t like this lol

THE UPDATED LIST:

  1. Have a best friend
  2. Fall in love
  3. Get married
  4. Have children
  5. Have daughter earn her Gold Award
  6. Have son earn his Eagle Scout
  7. Take children to see Lion King the Musical
  8. Take a family vacation to a foreign country
  9. Take a mother/daughter trip
  10. Take the kids to Disneyland in CA
  11. Take the kids to Disney World in FL
  12. Take the kids to Legoland and SeaWorld
  13. Do a hot chocolate run with kid(s)
  14. Do a family trip with my siblings and their kids
  15. Join Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
  16. Join Jack and Jill of America
  17. Become debt-free
  18. Buy a house
  19. Pay off the house
  20. Buy a condo/inherit a condo
  21. Have kids attend HBCUs
  22. Pay for daughter’s college
  23. Pay for son’s college
  24. Open a donor-advised fund
  25. Serve on a non-profit board
  26. Create a foundation
  27. Become a tax preparer volunteer
  28. Earn The President’s Volunteer Service Award
  29. Be an AmeriCorp member
  30. Tip 100% at a restaurant
  31. Become millionaires
  32. Become multi-millionaires
  33. Create a living trust
  34. Donate $1 Million USD
  35. Learn to drive a car
  36. Buy a Toyota Rav4
  37. Donate to my alma mater
  38. Volunteer to do interviews for my alma mater admissions
  39. Get my bachelors degree
  40. Get my Masters degree
  41. Graduate with honors
  42. Learn Spanish language
  43. Complete list of 100 dreams
  44. Travel to Costa Rica
  45. Create an editing business (created and closed!)
  46. Create a scrapbook of my college memories
  47. Self-publish a book
  48. Travel to Panama
  49. Sell 1000 copies of my self-published book
  50. Write a memoir
  51. Get a book deal
  52. Become a best-selling author
  53. Become a manager
  54. Become an Assistant Director
  55. Retire
  56. Do a one-month raw vegan challenge
  57. Run a 1/2 marathon
  58. Run a full marathon
  59. Complete an obstacle race
  60. Attend a yoga retreat
  61. Become a yoga instructor
  62. Hike Camelback mountain
  63. Learn to shoot a gun
  64. Take a ski lesson
  65. Take a cooking class
  66. Learn to cook with confidence
  67. Be a guest on a podcast
  68. Have 10K followers on IG
  69. Ride a camel
  70. Ride in a helicopter
  71. Take a hot air balloon ride
  72. Take a train ride
  73. Study abroad in college
  74. Watch the Dance Theatre of Harlem live
  75. Visit Yosemite
  76. Visit Redwood forest
  77. Visit Niagara Falls
  78. Visit Colorado
  79. Visit the Grand Canyon
  80. Travel to Hawaii
  81. Travel to Alaska
  82. Travel to Puerto Rico
  83. Live in a Spanish-speaking country for a month
  84. Travel to Cuba
  85. Travel to Aruba
  86. Travel to Jamaica
  87. Travel to Trinidad
  88. Travel to Turkey
  89. Travel to Mexico
  90. Travel to Indonesia or Malaysia
  91. Travel to Morocco and/or Spain
  92. Travel to Ghana
  93. Travel to Senegal
  94. Travel to South Africa
  95. Climb a pyramid in Egypt
  96. Swim in the Dead Sea
  97. Pray in Jerusalem
  98. Travel to Petra in Jordan
  99. Make Umrah
  100. Make hajj

September Update

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

It’s been over six months since I created a list of 100 dreams. I recently reviewed the list and was surprised to see which ones I had completed, the progress I made on some, and how I have shifted away from some goals.

Completed:

7. Take children to see Lion King the Musical – It was as fantastic as I remembered it. Yes, it was a bit pricey, and my husband still laments about the money we spent and brags about how much we saved by him opting out. However, I had such an amazing time and do not regret it at all! The afternoon brought me so much joy.

9. Take a mother/daughter trip – My daughter and I headed to the beautiful Newport Beach for a quick weekend getaway. I had a companion pass for her and earned 15K points for staying at the Balboa Inn. Unfortunately, a loud party disturbed our sleep the final night, and calls to the front desk did little to pipe down the yelling and cursing of the young adults. Of course, I politely let them know about the issue the next morning and was given a discount. Otherwise, it was the perfect mother/daughter adventure and continues to rate as one the best experiences when I ask my daughter about her memories from the year.

54. Become an Assistant Director – I was finally promoted which I am viewing as my last major promotion until I retire. Somedays I regret asking for more work, but having the extra money and authority has really been worth it. The role itself has been a natural extension of what I already was doing – now I actually get compensated better for it!

Actively Working On/In Progress

5. Have daughter earn her Gold Award & 6. Have son earn his Eagle Scout – Progress is very slow on these two, but we are spending a few hours a month working toward this. My daughter’s project proposal was summited at the beginning of this month and my son will hopefully make his tenderfoot rank (2 of 6 to Eagle) within the next two months.

49. Sell 1000 copies of my self-published book – So far, I have sold 90 books. We have a long way to go, but we will get there.

94. Travel to South Africa – I booked a trip for next summer and am on a payment plan! I am so excited.

Probably Will Not Do and Will Replace

44. Complete Google project manager certificate – I completed 5 out of 6 courses towards this certificate, but I just don’t have the time to dedicate to it anymore. I have until end of January to do the final course. We shall see.

So there you have it. It feels really good that I am actually living even when in the day-to-day, I feel like I am strictly on survival mode. My plan was to check back in each month to stay motivated and review my progress. Maybe I will see you again in a month.

Chasing Dreams

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

Last week, I spent time meticulously creating a list of one hundred adventures, both big and small. Some immediately came to mind as they have been lifelong dreams of mine. I’ve long to travel to the birth countries of my grandparents and parents since I listened intently to the stories my abuela and grandmother told me. Others seemed to be low-hanging fruit – projects I am currently working on, but definitely would not be described as life-changing experiences.

When I completed the list, I thought to myself, “Now what?” Do I tuck the list away and check back at milestones such as birthdays to determine if I made any progress? This did not sit well with me. It seems the only way to cultivate the life I want to live is to actively work on this list in my daily life. I am currently doing weekly reviews of my progress on my quarterly goals. Why not take a few minutes out of the week to scroll through the list, get re-inspired and take small steps towards as many of these as I can.

As a result, I will be creating a blog post every week that highlights any progress I’ve made on any remaining goal. I am writing these posts to keep myself accountable to my dreams, but I hope to inspire you to also work towards your dreams constantly. So here we go:

February 7-13th Recap

42. Learn the Spanish language – I watched several episodes of Nailed it Mexico and listened to the Duolingo podcast. I also watched several Youtubers explain how they learned Spanish and realized that I need to create a formal plan to organize my study habits. I thought there might be a way to learn it organically, but I think I need to be more strategic.

44. Complete Google project management certificate – I used my professional development hours at work to make some progress on this. I am learning a lot which surprised me!

Final Thought!

I am excited to get back to writing a blog (even on a small scale) and documenting my progress! I can’t wait to start checking off accomplishments!

List of 100 Dreams

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

In her book “168 Hours”, Laura Vanderkam advocates for the creation of a list of life long dreams one wants to devote time on. I found this concept fascinating and quickly wrote 67 past accomplishments and future goals. Then I got stuck for weeks! After some time, I was able to uncover more milestones my past self was excited about as well as adventures future me would like to embark on. As of 2/5/2022, I have completed 46%! I hope this list inspires you to make your own list and start working towards completion.

  1. Have a best friend
  2. Fall in love
  3. Get married
  4. Have children
  5. Have daughter earn her Gold Award
  6. Have son earn his Eagle Scout
  7. Take children to see Lion King the Musical
  8. Take a family vacation to a foreign country
  9. Take a mother/daughter trip
  10. Take the kids to Disneyland in CA
  11. Take the kids to Disney World in FL
  12. Take the kids to Legoland and SeaWorld
  13. Do a hot chocolate run with kid(s)
  14. Do a family trip with my siblings and their kids
  15. Join Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
  16. Join Jack and Jill of America
  17. Become debt-free
  18. Buy a house
  19. Pay off the house
  20. Buy a condo
  21. Have kids attend HBCUs
  22. Pay for daughter’s college
  23. Pay for son’s college
  24. Open a donor advised fund
  25. Serve on a non-profit board
  26. Create a foundation
  27. Become a tax preparer volunteer
  28. Earn The President’s Volunteer Service Award
  29. Be an AmeriCorp member
  30. Tip 100% at a restaurant
  31. Become millionaires
  32. Become multi-millionaires
  33. Create a living trust
  34. Donate $1 Million USD
  35. Learn to drive a car
  36. Buy a Toyota Rav4
  37. Donate to my alma mater
  38. Volunteer to do interviews for my alma mater admissions
  39. Get my bachelors degree
  40. Get my Masters degree
  41. Graduate with honors
  42. Learn Spanish language
  43. Complete list of 100 dreams
  44. Complete Google project manager certificate
  45. Create an editing business
  46. Create a scrapbook of my college memories
  47. Self-publish a book
  48. Publish my dad’s memoir
  49. Sell 1000 copies of my self-published book
  50. Write a memoir
  51. Get a book deal
  52. Become a best selling author
  53. Become a manager
  54. Become an Assistant Director
  55. Retire
  56. Do a one month raw vegan challenge
  57. Run a 1/2 marathon
  58. Run a full marathon
  59. Complete an obstacle race
  60. Attend a yoga retreat
  61. Become a yoga instructor
  62. Hike Camelback mountain
  63. Learn to shoot a gun
  64. Take a ski lesson
  65. Take a cooking class
  66. Learn to cook with confidence
  67. Be a guest on a podcast
  68. Have 10K followers on IG
  69. Ride a camel
  70. Ride in a helicopter
  71. Take a hot air balloon ride
  72. Take a train ride
  73. Study aboard in college
  74. Watch the Dance Theatre of Harlem live
  75. Visit Yosemite
  76. Visit Redwood forest
  77. Visit Niagara Falls
  78. Visit Colorado
  79. Visit the Grand Canyon
  80. Travel to Hawaii
  81. Travel to Alaska
  82. Travel to Puerto Rico
  83. Live in a Spanish speaking country for a month
  84. Travel to Cuba
  85. Travel to Aruba
  86. Travel to Jamaica
  87. Travel to Trinidad
  88. Travel to Turkey
  89. Travel to Mexico
  90. Travel to Indonesia or Malaysia
  91. Travel to Morocco and/or Spain
  92. Travel to Ghana
  93. Travel to Senegal
  94. Travel to South Africa
  95. Climb a pyramid in Egypt
  96. Swim in the Dead Sea
  97. Pray in Jerusalem
  98. Travel to Petra in Jordan
  99. Make Umrah
  100. Make hajj

Giving

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

In January 2012, I wrote the following blog post sharing an encounter I had with an older woman who requested money from me. Since then, I have ran into a woman who I believe is the same individual; each time she pleads to me with the same or similar story. Perhaps its a different woman as multiple years passed between each encounter. When I asked her if she remember me, she called me a liar.

My giving stragety has since changed. My focus is on vetted organizations, one that supports my local community and one that assists in international relief work. I try to keep keep gift cards to places that don’t sell alcohol on hand if asked. I always offer a smile and took them in the eye even if I don’t have anything to offer. I try to remember to show them human kindness and believe even a smile can be charity.

She knew exactly how to get me with her story. She got me good!

Yesterday, I had an eye-opening experience. It didn’t seem right to delve into in yesterday’s post, but I would like to capture the memory today. As I was leaving Changing Hand bookstore with my new purchases, I called the BFF who I was supposed to be meeting later to catch up. Upon reaching her, we started our normal banter about our awesome lives. In normal personal fashion, I climbed into my car while I continued to chat and started the car engine. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a cleanly dressed, older African-American lady waving me down. My brain immediately registered that fact she was going to ask me for something. Spotting a white cup in her hand, I  immediately opened the coin drawer in my car and gathered what coins I could find. All the while, I remained talking to the BFF about what movie I wanted to see…”Nothing depressing! Give me something upbeat and funnny!” I demanded to my friend. Resting my cell phone on my shoulder, holding a handful of coin in my right hand, I pressed the button to scroll down my window just enough to stick out my hand. “The Descendants would be a no! Lets watch something without the words “tragedy” in the description, please!”, I retorted at my friends suggestion. I don’t know if I even looked in the direction of the lady when my hand was dangling out the window. I finally turned to give her my full attention when I heard her say, “Ma’am, I don’t want your money.” Realizing that this might require me to listen, I told the BFF to hold on and turned to the lady. She then repeated, “I don’t want your money. What I need is diapers.” 
Instantaneously a different part of me began listening. As I mother with a toddler still in diapers, I knew there was more to her story. I am not very emotional or sympathetic to most tugs on the heart strings. This is not something I am proud of or that I think is a positive trait. However, as a former substance abuse counselor, I have heard every story in the book and then some. “So what you are tell me is that you need money for gas, but you are driving around the parking lot asking me for money?” “So, you just asked me for money, but all of a sudden you are not hungry for subway I just offered to buy you.”
But something about her plea was genuine. She told me briefly about her two grandchildren that were badly in need of diapers and if I could go to the grocery store across the street and get some, she would wait for me in the parking lot. I found myself saying “Sure!” and asked her to tell me what sizes. She listed that she needed two different sizes, one pull-ups and other other regular diapers. It dawned on me that it would probably be easier to walk to the grocery store with her and have her pick out the items. So together we started walking. 
She then shared her story. Her mother just passed away. She lived two hours away with her grandchildren and had just come to bury her mother. She didn’t get paid until Friday and had been struggling this last week to get back to her home and back to work. She had be trying to conserve diapers and now her babies had developed rashes from the irritation. She repeated several times, “I am 55 years old. I have never sold a day in my life.” She told me she hadn’t ate since the day before and was okay with that as long as her grandchildren were comfortable. She said she would mail me a check for double the amount I paid on Friday. She said she’d western union it or anything else and I didn’t need to give her any personal information. I told her that it was okay as she broke down sobbing. “Its been a hard week”, she said after apologizing for her tears. I shared that I had children and that she had me at “diapers”. She halted in her tracks and exclaimed, “I can’t take money from you. You have children!” and almost walked away. I reassured her that my children have everything they need and I wanted to help make sure her grandchildren would for the next few days. She was overjoyed and asked my name and if she could hug me. After giving her my name, I said “of course” she could (even though hugs from people I don’t know usually makes my skin crawl). 
She asked if I worked and I told her I did. “I am sorry I am keeping you from work!” she said suddenly realizing she might have caught me on the way to work! I told her that it was okay. I was in fact off of work and the husband had the children. “Is your husband going to be mad that you spent this money?” she asked quietly. I reassured her that he would have done the same thing. She continued to share more information about herself. She mentioned where she lived and where she was originally from. In a bizarre twist, it turned out to be the same town my husband is from! We swapped references to different fixtures in the town as she picked up two packages of diapers. As we walked out of the store, she said the only thing she could offer me was to pray as she was a church-going, God-fearing lady. I told her that would be nice. She then asked if she could pray for me right then and there. Imagining the awkward scene that would create, I told her that she didn’t have to. Immediately she bowed her head and began, “Dear Heavenly Father…” She offered words of gratitude to the blessing in her life and asked for support for her tribulations. She asked for God to watch over me and my famliy and provide anything we could ever imagine. She ended her prayer and said she would never forget my kindness. She asked once again if she could repay me on Friday and I told her to “pay it forward” in any way she could in the future. She gave me one last hug, grabbed her bags and walked towards her car that had definitely seen better days. 
I returned to my car thinking about how a few minutes before I was celebrating the fact that I had “made” $63 worth of store credit, when this woman was struggle to figure out how she was going to get out of the difficult turn of events life had handed her. I thought about how I never have had to worry about having diapers for my children or food on the table. I started thinking about my uncountable blessings in life. Tears began flowing down my cheeks as I was overwhelmed with gratitude for my blessings and saddened by the struggles this lady and her family will probably continue to have to endure. As I drove away, I realized in all that she shared about her life, children and struggle, I never once asked her the simple question of what her name was. From barely looking at her as initially handed her some change from a semi-raised window to not even getting her name, it dawned on me how detached from what might be going on around me. While this may not fall under living minimally, I realize I need to be more mindful. 

Bob Won’t Let Us be Financially Great – How I Deal with a Spouse who Hates Budgets

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

This post was orginally published on https://www.veefrugalfox.com/blog.

Over 10 year ago, my husband Bob and I met when we were pursuing graduate school at the same institution. Looking back, we were both 22 years old and debt free before it became a thing! We began as friends and then started dating six months later. Funny to note that while I was taking student loans and a car note, he remained debt free driving a “Dave car”. He had zero debt and didn’t own a credit card. When he put a ring on it, he paid for that ring with straight cash. We combined bank accounts after we got engaged and started planning our wedding. We set a budget and vowed to not to spend a penny over $10K. I graduated, deferred my loans and used my full time income to save for the majority of our wedding. We were on the same page financially and it was great!

Fast forward to the present day, Bob refuses to budget. He spends money on whatever he wants. I stopped trying to hold budget meetings when they all started to feel like a bad reality TV show! (Next up on “How to work towards a divorce”, we have Bob and Grace.) So what happened between our wedding and now? He got a job. After spending a billion years in school, he graduated and started corporate employment. In the beginning, we were DINKs (dual income, no kids) and living large. We bought a brand new SUV and a house (at the peak of the market before the crash) with no money down. We could afford it, so why not. I tried to get him on board with going gazelle intense on the debt we accumulated, but it soon became a serious point of contention in our marriage. I will never forget him telling me, “I didn’t spent all those years in school to be living like a poor person!” 

After that, I knew I was on my own. Because of the cross-country move for his job, there were a few months that I was unemployed and we lived off of his salary only. When I started working, I used my salary to quickly pay off $13K worth of student loans. We continue to live off of his salary today and he doesn’t seem to care or notices since he refuses to talk about money. I use my earnings for whatever “crazy” financial goals I have going on. I’ve paid off $113K of debt over 10 years using this method. If he was on board, I could have cut that time in half. But since living off his salary helped me pay off debt, I figured a strong marriage was better than one that fights over money all the time. I keep telling myself that the turtle wins the race. We will be debt free including the mortgage at some point but it will just take it a little longer.

Do I get frustrated? Of course! I still make a budget every month and try to glean from him what he thinks things will cost. We usually discuss what events are coming up for us and the kids. I’ll then take that information and try to adjust the budget accordingly. When he overspends, I work to underspend on groceries, my fun money or eating out. Is it a fair system? Not at all. Often I have to catch myself from thinking “Well, the budget is already blown! I might as well overspend too!” Is this system working? Well, you be the judge. We are debt free except for the mortgage. We recently refinanced our mortgage to a 15 year one. We have 3 month emergency fund as well as he is contributing 10% of his salary to retirement. Sure, we could be great and be on baby step 6 by now. But I’ll take a great marriage that doesn’t fight over finances instead.

*The names may or may not have been changed to protect the guilty.

How A Fairy Grad-School Mother Helped Me Pay for Grad School and How Her Advice Can Help You Too.

~ thecfomom ~ Leave a comment

This post orginally appeared on the website LoanFreeStudent.org.

As an undergrad student, I was one of the lucky ones that graduated with little student loan debt. Sadly, I cannot say the same for graduate school. I always knew that college would open many doors for me; the most critical was opening the door to escape my parents house unto freedom. I grew up in a very religious family. For years, I fought with my parents on everything they deemed holy and scared. I studied hard and did whatever I could to get into a college far away from my controlling parents. When I received an offer letter to Ohio University, I knew this was my chance to run free. Unfortunately, my parents refused to let me move 350 miles away. Being only 17 years of age, there was little I could do and ended up accepting admissions to a university only 25 miles from our home. I was devastated and concluded my life was ruined forever. Despite my parents track record for eccentric ideas, attending a local university was one of the greatest moments of my life. I ended up getting a full ride and graduated only owing $1,200 which I quickly paid off.

After graduating, I was faced with the “now what” crisis. My liberal arts degree left me with no marketable skills and I really didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I knew immediately that I had to graduate school. But for what? I quickly decided I wanted to save the world and put in motion a plan to finally leave my home state and go to school as far away. Two years later, I took a plane and greyhound bus to a small college town in Florida to study counseling. A few weeks into my first semester, I realized I did not have what it takes to fix other people’s problems. I didn’t want to be a counselor, was racking up large amounts of student loan debt, and was rethinking everything. 

Luckily the universe was looking out for me. Even before the fall semester, I got a notice that I could come to campus early and participate in a program to help minorities adjust to graduate school. I received a small stipend for living expenses during the summer and had one of my graduate courses paid for. Through the program, I met a wonderful woman who was pursuing her Ph.D. She had an amazing impact on my graduate school experience. Upon meeting me, she asked me if I had funding to pay for my masters degree. I didn’t. I’ll never forget her response, “You should never pay for graduate school.” She arranged for me to meet several faculty members in a quest to have them pay for my schooling. By the middle of the Fall semester, I had a graduate assistantship that would not only give me money to live off of, but pay part of my tuition. She also urged me to apply to several scholarships and I ended up receiving a small one for almost every semester I was enrolled. She definitely was my fairy grad-school mother.

Two and a half years later, I graduated with about $13K worth of debt for a program that was $60K for out of state students. I worked in the counseling industry for a few years until I finally switched to a field that better suited my personality. My student loan was the first debt I attacked once I finished cash flowing a wedding (to my husband I met in graduate school). It took me about a year to pay off. If you are contemplating graduate school, here are a few tips that I did  or wish I did to reduce the amount of money I took out in loans:

  1. Cash flow that baby! Seriously, it’s possible. There are people out there who are doing this and you can do it too!
  2. Wait several years to make sure your field of choice is really what you want to do and spend your money on. Although I know I was supposed to attend the university I did when I did so that I could meet my husband, perhaps if I waited I would have gotten a degree that would have more closely matched my long term career.
  3. Go to school in state.  Again, the universe wanted me to meet my husband, but did I need to go out of state when there were plenty of perfectly good colleges around that I could have gotten in-state tuition?
  4. Look for scholarships. Yes, there are scholarships for Graduate school. I didn’t realize this until my fairy grad-school mother told me. 
  5. Look for benefits-eligible campus employment.  Whether it’s a traditional graduate assistantship or just a random job that offers discounted tuition, this could drastically decrease the cost of tuition. I currently work at a university that offers almost free tuition to staff members. 
  6. If you have to take out loans, return unused funds at the end of the semester. Each semester, I didn’t know if what I was doing would cover all of my tuition. So, I took out the minimum amount I thought I needed each semester, but diligently returned any unused amount by the end of the semester. This alone saved me from racking up tons of debt and spending it all on Starbucks.
  7. Make a plan to pay off your student loans as soon as you can! There is no need to hold on to that garage. Free yourself!

In the end, I don’t regret the paper that hangs in my living room. Having a masters degree has indeed opened many doors for me. You can never go wrong in expanding your knowledge! However, there are definitely ways to not have a few years turn into debt that haunts you for the rest of your life. Similar to what my fairy grad-school mother said to me, I urge you to not go into debt for graduate school.

How to Save Money on Kid’s Birthday Parties

~ thecfomom ~ 6 Comments

Today is my son’s 7 year old birthday. It has been seven years since my tiny King was born and it has been quite an adventure ever since! In honor of his birthday, I decided to write a post on different ways you can save time and money on birthday parties. Here are a few tips and tricks that you may or may not want to try.

The first one is pretty obvious: not having a party at all. Nothing in the “Being a Parent Manual” says that birthday parties are a requirement for healthy childhood development. This would save a lot of money, time and energy. Let’s be honest; they aren’t really going to remember the party from ages 1 – 3 anyways. If photos are a concern, you can always use stock photos and create the best birthday party that they can’t remember! “Honey, you don’t remember Beyonce being at your second year old concert themed party? That’s too bad! It was a lot of fun!”

When they get older (and smarter), you might have to actively say no when they bring up the idea. This can be done in a few ways. First, you can join a religion that does not allow for the celebration of birthdays. Your options include Jehovah’s Witnesses who believe in only celebrating Jesus’s birth or Muslims who claim Muhammad didn’t celebrate his so why should you celebrate yours (You aren’t special, Junior!) Too much of an effort to change religions?  “Because I said so!” also works.

In all seriousness, here’s what we practice in our household. I go all out! I grew up around family members who didn’t celebrate birthdays. I loved getting gifts from them year round or on other holidays, but really missed having one day that everyone celebrated me. So when I had children, I went a little crazy at first. My oldest daughter had a party when she turned one. Then we got together with friends on her second birthday. We had a full blown birthday party at the park when she turned 3 and then had a princess party when she turned 4. Finally having second child made me realize that I was headed towards a financial crisis with two birthday parties each year. We decided to come up with a plan. The kids would party with friends on even birthdays and have a simple dinner with the family on odd years. We plan to do this until they reached 10. After that, they will only get 13 and 16 year parties.

Another thing I tried to implement is a “no gift”policy. After overhearing my daughter talk about how many presents she was going to get, I put a note in the Evite saying “We are requesting no gifts.” Did that work? Nope! I tried again two years later, and it still didn’t work. Finally I decided that people thought I was joking or the meanest mother ever.  Now, starting with the 8 year old birthday, they will chose a non-profit to donate the gifts. On the invitation, I still write “No gifts please. However, if you want to give, we are collecting for *blank* cause.” Works like a charm! The kids get to learn about the importance of giving and I get less clutter in the house. 

In conclusion, my only real tip is to celebrate in a way that holds meaning and value to you. Whether that is not celebrating at all (which I totally respect) or having a 50 person party every year, take time to acknowledge the miracle of life and how precious our time on this earth is. Happy Birthday, King! 

My Son is Allergic to Air

~ thecfomom ~ 4 Comments

Well, he’s not. But some days it really does feel like it. I have no allergies. If I want to eat something, never does the thought “Could this cause me to break out into hives?” cross my mind. When I started dating my husband, he told me about the long list of allergies he had. The health nut (and know-it-all) that I was thought to myself, “That’s because you didn’t grow up on organic food and was fed formula as a baby.” The universe was like, “Grace, I’m going to teach you!”

So back to my non-formula/organically fed son, “King”. There are eight common allergies that must be listed by law on any processed food. Allergy tests at one year old revealed that he is allergic to 7 of the 8:  milk, eggs, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat and soybeans. Oh, but let’s not stop there. He also is allergic to chicken, turkey, coconut, seeds and beef. For a second there, we thought his beef allergy had disappeared. Nope! So he’s pretty much a vegan who can’t have soy, coconut and seeds but can have fish. Or so we thought!

Yesterday, I decided to try cooking one thing for lunch for me and the kids. The featured protein of the day was salmon since my husband who is allergic to fish wasn’t home. It was a beautiful meal that I proudly posted on Instagram. #bestmomever! King took one look at the food and was like, “I am allergic to fish.” My daughter chimed in, “Lucky, I wish I was allergic!” My response, “King, you are not allergic! You eat fish sticks all the time. Mimi, eat your food.” So they started eating it. All of a sudden, I noticed my son itching his chin once. Then twice. Soon he was attacking his skin like his life counted on it. Oh no! I took a closer look and sure enough, his face and neck were showing signs of a major reaction. I gave him Benadyl and watched him closely with an epipen nearby. Luckily after an hour, he was back to his normal self and the hives/swelling had disappeared. When my husband came home and I told him about what happened, he was like, “Oh hmm. He must have the same allergy I have. I’m allergic to fresh water fish, but I can have salt water fish.” Really? The water the fish lives in makes a difference! Good heavens.

Today, I went grocery shopping. Again I posted on Instagram my meal plan and the cash I was going to use.#bestgroceryshoppingever All was going well until I got to Whole Foods. I practically brought the entire store. Forget Whole Paycheck! Lets just say Whole Store! I knew what I was doing. Feelings of guilt for poisoning my child was materializing into buying every vegan and dairy, gluten and soy-free product the store had to offer. Yet I somehow couldn’t stop myself. What should have been a $35 bill ended up being $137! What the gluten free bread?! I know, I know. CFOmom fail! When I got home, I immediately redid my budget and pulled cash from other envelops to make up for the difference. It’ll be tight but I think we will be okay. I am also going to try to increase our food budget next to make room for this dietary needs.

Have you ever had a moment when you knew you were making a mistake and why you were making that mistake, but still couldn’t stop yourself?

 

It’s been so long…

~ thecfomom ~ 15 Comments

Happy New Year! Yes, it has been that long since I wrote a blog post! This is my official first post of the new year. It’s a shame, I know! I just took a glance at the goals I created for myself for 2017. While the first three still are in the works, I have shifted focus on #4. I no longer am working to pay off my mortgage early. This is a dramatic shift from what this blog has been about. My entire blogging presence has mostly been consumed with one financial goal: kill the mortgage! Ever since November, I have been re-evaluating life and finally have realized: I have no idea what my long-term plan is. Here are few factors I am dealing with:

  1. Husband’s job – in his 10+ years working at his company, he’s seen layoffs happen often. We are both realistic that at some point, his time may come. He is predicting that he has about 5-10 years with the company, but it could be more or less. I like to think in worst case scenarios; in 2021, he could lose his job. Or he could work at that company until he retires.
  2. My job – My position in grant-funded and ends June 2022. There is a slight chance it will be renewed, but most of us are thinking it wont be. Thus, I am out of a job in 2022. I would love to be able to shift to freelancing at that point.
  3. I really want to move. I’ve tried to pray and journal a way this feeling, but it is not going anywhere. Either I embrace it or continue to fight this feeling every day. I am leaning towards a new home. Whether we sell our current home or use it as a rental property is another layer of complexity.
  4. My kids are going to attend college in 8 and 11 years, with one year overlap. They could get scholarships or we could end up with 100% of their cost. Of course we always have the choice of whether to pay or not. But it is something we have decided we value and that we are going to at least give them some funds for college.

Here’s what we are currently doing mostly by default:

  1. Husband – contributes 10% of his income to a retirement account along with 5% from his employer
  2. Me – contributes 7% of my income to a 401K which is matched by my employer. I also contribute $25 each month to a Roth IRA
  3. House – we are currently paying on a 15 year mortgage with a 2.8% interest rate. We are also saving 100% of my paychecks for a down payment on a new home. We currently have $14K saved of the $90K we need.
  4. College funds: We are contributing $25 a month for each child.

So there you have it! More information that you ever needed to know about our financial situation. One of the things I love about blogging is feedback! What grade would you give us?  What would you do if you were me?