You better Czech yourself before you Reyjavik yourself.

You’re thinking of brideprice, which is basically the opposite of dowry.

Also, don’t use the wifi routers provided by Cocmast. Cocmast uses them to provide their xfinity-branded wifi, so as their customer you are literally sacrificing bandwidth and paying their electric bill. I assume all cable companies do this but Cocmast is the only one I know about for sure.

Sir, this is a Burger King.

When I was in graduate school, I used to call the 700 Club’s prayer hotline and talk about my dissertation. To their credit, those people were remarkably patient and would only occasionally attempt to steer the conversation back in the direction of Jesus and his need to have some of my money. “Oh, I don’t have any money. Anyway, it turns out that there’s a perfect correlation between the giving of dowries and engagement in plow-based agriculture.” Completely true but for some reason they didn’t really care.

“We are equal – let’s walk side-by-side!”

I don’t know about the other four, but John Cleese famously spent his entire career dodging taxes and then – no surprise – was pro-Brexit. Also no surprise: he was listed in Epstein’s black book.

Most folks I talk to have zero good landlord experiences.

Check out Daddy Warbucks over here with his canned beans! Dried beans are even cheaper.

The best my local wing place can do is to deep fry the wings, refrigerate the ones that don’t get sold and eaten, and deep fry them again the next day. Not literally the best way to have wings.

My main hobby is bicycling, which is a great way to meet people. Unfortunately, I really hate bicycling with other people, not to mention the fact that enormous gaggles of cyclists gabbing away and not looking ahead are an absolute menace on bike trails, so I never take advantage of the social aspect.

I sat at an intersection the other day for two minutes in my school bus. I glanced down into the car next to me and saw a kid sitting there watching a video of a woman trying to lift up a stick with big bunches of bananas on each end and failing at it. Video was like 5 seconds long and just kept looping. The kid wasn’t even laughing, just seemed to be in a coma. I’m sure there are dumber tiktoks out there but I can’t imagine what they would be.

“I’m ok with Trump murdering babies on live TV, but eating them is where I draw the line.”

Crows are complex, though. The ones that live around my house can often be found ganging up and chasing away the red-tailed hawks that like to snack on the squirrels. The squirrels repay the favor by chasing off the crows who come to eat the peanuts I leave out for them (and eating the peanuts themselves). One time the crows flew around above me making a godawful racket until I went to the back yard and freed a baby raccoon that had accidentally gone into the box trap I leave out for groundhogs; they immediately flew off as soon as I let the little guy out.

I bought my house two years ago and it had been retrofitted with baseboard radiators. They covered up the lower receptacles in every outlet so you could only get a plug into the top one and then the wire ran over a hot radiator. Just mind-boggling that anybody could do that and not see a problem with it. Granted, the outlets were embedded in the cinderblock walls so it wasn’t an easy matter to move them up, but laziness kills.

For good measure, these plugs were not grounded and they all had the polarity reversed.

Everyone used to bitch about how Windows 95 was such an ugly interface, but it was actually built to be usable by people with vision problems, including color-blindness. Relying on color for your interface is certainly intuitive but isn’t useful for everyone.

My house has motion-activated floodlights with the switches inside the garage. It almost qualifies as a workout trying to figure out if they’re on or not.

I have a mouse with a scroll wheel. I just can’t comprehend why half the time the website scrolls in the opposite direction from what it’s supposed to do if I flick the wheel too quickly.

I hate the credit card terminals at TJ Maxx/Marshalls specifically because of this. They have noise and visual feedback when you tap but it’s always a few seconds late. As a programmer, that shit makes me want to track down whoever wrote it and slap them.

Some electricians install the receptacles upside-down if they’re switched.