And breathe in fresh air. It’s a big lie, and you always knew.

Just treat me like a normal person, not some monster and immediate danger to everyone below 18.

It would be reasonable to check my stance and I wouldn’t mind if someone asked whether I need (and if I do, whether I already have) any help with it, but other than that, I want to be treated no differently whether someone knows I’m a pedophile or not.

I don’t want to receive threats. I don’t want to be stuck with people talking about how they would murder all pedophiles while having to keep my mouth shut. I want to maintain healthy relationship with my adult partners and friends. That’s, essentially, what I ask of society.

Mostly “that’s so weird”, but then “my attractions feel equally weird for others”, so I end up not being weirded out, but I certainly can’t comprehend it.

I’m not sure I can point out a single feature of a child I’d find attractive; it’s firstly behavioural factors (I love children that open up to me, and I feel and notice the trust and bonding effort they put into relationships with me), and only then physical features (voice, face, body size, arms, feet, and general body proportions; genitalia as well). The answer will significantly differ between pedophiles, though, with some prioritizing some other factors. I know many pedophiles that are into boys are absolutely obsessed with butts, for example, and while I can relate to how they feel, this is far from the first thing I’d look for in my boy crush, for example.

Thank you! I can understand this

Why did you decide to leave?

Thank you! I wish you all the best with whatever is happening with your own mind. You can always share, too, if you’ll ever want to, and I’ll be happy to help you with what I can.

The change of pedophilia to pedophilic disorder Saint talks about happened long ago in the US (since the DSM-V update in 2013), but only recently came to other countries in WHO’s ICD-11, so for most of the world, it’s actually a very recent change - no wonder most people don’t know that yet :)

However, my country decided to straight up reject entire ICD-11 and stick with outdated ICD-10 because of that change (and also because of delisting trans individuals). They just literally ignored entire medical progress of the past 30 years because hurr durr pedophiles no longer sick. So, the reception of the changes is still…complicated.

Then I don’t see the issue too, unless they get too invasive and don’t allow me to have some personal space for a prolonged period of time. I don’t consider it a sexual or romantic experience on their part, and I love to share some warmth with them. They need that care and love and attention, and I’m there to do exactly that. I will allow them to hug, crawl, play with my hair, even kiss in the cheek if that’s their vibe and if they behave this way with others.

Normally this doesn’t overload me, but if it does (like if my deep child crush does it repeatedly) or if the child starts going to inappropriate territory, I can always excuse myself and leave for a while, while processing it and planning ways to calm the child down.

Well, pedophilia refers to attraction to pre-puberty children generally, and more exactly - to children between age of ~4 and puberty. For pedophiles, I’ve heard a saying “7 is heaven, 8 is great, 9 is fine”, and it’s about as golden rang-y as you’ll get. Personal experiences differ a lot, some will prefer the younger range, some the older, I personally would call 9-10 my perfect one.

There are other terms related to other age ranges in minors, like infantophilia/nepiophilia (up to about 4 years old; often considered as part of pedophilia, but has distinct features), hebephilia (attraction to children going through puberty), and ephebophilia (attraction to post-puberty minors, i.e. ~15-17).

Ephebophilia is straight up super common, especially in males, and most ephebophiles don’t consider this as something off - after all, 18 years old is a legal boundary, not natural one, and 17yo person barely differs from 18yo.

In any way, should you academically define pedophilia, you already only look at the range from 0(4) to about 12.

I did at earlier stages, but yeah, it doesn’t really work, especially since my attraction to girls which is still my main already goes well into my comfortable adult range, so essentially my only way is to convince myself I’m not interested in younger girls (which is, well, not really working; I can tell myself “yay it works”…until I meet a younger child again)

I do seek relationships with peers of my own age, but I don’t enjoy ageplay; it just doesn’t bring up much the same feelings, and I doubt I can experience this attraction to adults, no matter how much trickery is involved. Some, though, do find some relief in that. There is no single opinion on ageplay among pedophiles.

I get your points, thank you for additional clarification!

I don’t really experience urges nowadays - at first, it does get into this territory, but urges require at least considering intent, which I don’t have as of now. Generally, it might be more useful to think of it in the framework of “normal” attraction - we don’t get attracted to every child, and we go through the same set of experiences one has for people their age when they fall in love or lust after the other. And same as with “normal” attraction, we can keep that to ourselves. As per outlets - for me it’s mostly just imagination, but I see no issue with fictional materials - they just don’t work well for me personally.

My attitude to beauty pageants including children is very strongly negative. Not even due to potential for sexualization of children (which can, however, be the case in some instances), but rather because those are incredibly harmful in themselves, being psychologically (hard work, burden of expectations) and physically (unhealthy diets, tons of makeup at early age with sensitive skin, and a ton of terrible practices) taxing for a child. Sending a child to those is ripping out their childhood and forcing them through things in life they’re not ready for.

I don’t fully grasp the “endgame of pedophilia” concept, but if you mean “what will you do if society will accept you no matter what you do”, then the endgame is to be able to be treated like non-pedophilic individuals, being, well, socially accepted. We do not want the society to allow people to abuse children, and even if it were legal and acceptable, we would not do this, because the reason is not laws or societal attitudes, but actual harm. If any of such restrictions would be lifted, we’d be the first to raise awareness of such madness. We’d feel safer, though, hanging out around kids, being amazing parents, teachers, and friends. We love children in all ways, and it warms our hearts helping them explore our amazing world, navigating the issues they might have, caring about them, and just spending time around.

Unfortunately, confidentiality is breached more often than we’d like, for no apparent reason. There are many instances of pedophiles being outed by therapists, as well as anecdotal cases of therapists reporting to the police who were like “uhm, yes, so what?”. So, it is more dangerous than one would imagine.

I was not sexually abused as a child, although I had some early near-sexual experiences (around 7yo) with peers. But I don’t know what to make of it. Generally, I think I was just born this way.

Thank you for understanding!

At first, there was a lot of frustration involved in this for me, but currently I’m simply mentally incapable of crossing the line. I just get instant aversion on the thought of making this a reality - similar, in some ways, to violent thoughts someone normal might have. (you might imagine yourself killing someone that made you super angry, but you’re not gonna actually do this, are you?)

As per being angry at the world, I certainly get that sometimes. Having such attractions, even when you have “normal” ones too, is certainly living on hard mode. But then, there are many others with their own issues and their own struggles we know nothing about. Plenty of people were treated poorly by the merciless reality.

In my case, I am not out, since it adds a lot of risks for me, and I’m generally careful on who I’m out to - there’s always a chance a person can use that against me, or just freak out and out me knowing I’m attracted to children.

But I do sometimes babysit children, and I’m considered to be an excellent person to trust children to among friends and family - someone who will entertain kids, properly care about them, follow all the requests parents may have. Children love and trust me too - I pay a lot of attention to their needs and always listen up on anything that’s on their mind; I also mediated several conflicts between kids and parents, and earned a reputation of a person who can solve things in a way that makes both sides happy. At the end of the day, both parents and kids see me as a close and trusted friend.

Sure thing - protecting children is the highest priority.

And currently, protecting children and helping us combat stigma go hand in hand. At the very least, in a part where we could open up about our issues without fear and get professional help if needed.

I, too, like the veganism analogy. As per “brain wired wrong” - previously I would refer to my situation just the same way, but when you live with it long enough, it becomes normal, and the curiosity sparks not on “why am I like this”, but rather “why others are different”. Regular people find children cute, beautiful, lovely. But then, when it comes to actually feeling something for them, people just don’t. This always made me feel weird. But yes, your case is the norm, and ours is exception - probably for the better :)

Done!

Ah. Well, as I said, merely abusing a child doesn’t constitute an attraction, you’re right on that. There is plenty of non-pedophilic child abusers (in fact, those constitute about half of all cases for sexual abuse of minors), just as there’s plenty of pedophiles who never touched a child.

Constituting an attraction is therefore a separate task involving complicated equipment and testing methods.

Thanks for the link! I was gonna add it later, as VirPed answers limited amount of questions. But it’s an invaluable resource allowing to see one question from the perspectives of different pedophiles and minor attracted people.

It absolutely should!

We absolutely need more therapy programs for minor-attracted people, more of the competent therapists, less social stigma (and please, stop calling child molesters pedophiles and child abuse pedophilia, that’s not helpful and not true!), and probably softer reporting laws, too.

For example, reporting past offences may bring more harm than good, scaring off those who want to change. Similar with the consumption of CSAM - it is bad, but reporting it leads to people not being able to talk about it directly, which hurts prevention efforts, exacerbating the issue. Etc.

Possessing or producing loli/shota or other fictional materials - no punishment

Possessing CSAM generated by other people with no intention of redistribution = police warning, then administrative arrest, then ~2 years in prison

Posessing CSAM generated by other people with the intention of redistribution = 4+ years in prison

Possessing CSAM generated by the person with no intention of redistribution = all charges related to child molestation +4 or more years in prison

Possessing CSAM generated by the person with the intention of redistribution = all charges related to child molestation +8 or more years in prison

Something along these lines