You know there is someone that would have volunteered for that.

This would fit in with by a government serving chaos undivided.

You could find an example of anything this monster does that lines up with the chaos gods.

Sad part is a grim dark present there are no angels to call upon. Even if they did it’d just be exterminatous.

I decided to work from home and put fury road since I haven’t seen it. 10 minutes in i logged off work early because it was good.

Ppl will not focus on what gives them the most enjoyment. If its the phone or Netflix.

Wife telling everyone is the major deal breaker. There is no going back from that. Because even if she recants the statements the suspicion will always be on you and ruin your relationship. Never tell anyone anything bad about your SO unless its over.

Since this its all gone really pear shaped. My wife changed the pin on her phone that night. I’m sleeping in the spare room and it seems our relationship is over. I’m being blamed for blowing up our relationship due to lack of trust and jealousy. She’s pointed out that her work friends laughed at hearing my suspicions because of how ridiculous they are. I’m portrayed as the jealous and controlling husband to her friends and family. My wife said the only reason that she wasn’t directly forthcoming about him being there is because I read into things too much and that she didn’t want to ruin the chance of having sex when she got home.

At this stage my wife feels we should stay in the house together for the next few months for the sake of the kids until we work out what’s happening.

Now I know that Reddit audiences seem to love and encourage people to breakup. But I feel like maybe my wife is right. Maybe my jealousy is too much. I’m old and I’ll never find someone who I love like my wife. I don’t want anyone else. But when trust is gone do I just lie down and take it? I’ve been cheated on before and maybe that does make me too jealous. I’m lost and so incredibly upset.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: She sounds checked out to the point she’s discussing and laughing about your marriage to her coworkers. That alone would be enough for me.

Commenter 2: You did what you could. Obviously your wife doesn’t respect your wishes, you made it clear what you thought about this guy and she’s still messaging him and meeting up with him in secret. Trust your gut and don’t ignore the situation. Either she just enjoys his attention or she’s sleeping with him. I say cut your losses and move on.

Commenter 3: She changed her pin the night you proved she lied about her night out and her boy toy being there. That’s pretty damning evidence against her bullshit story.

She was out drinking with him till 1am and got so turned on by him she jumped your bones as soon as she got home. You know she was thinking about him the entire time she was doing you right?

She got ahead of you on controlling the narrative and painted you as the villain. Classic cheater behavior (let’s be honest this is at least an emotional affair…hopefully) to blame shift and throw the spotlight off her unfaithful actions.

Here’s what you do: stay in the house in separate bed room as you are doing. See a lawyer and have divorce papers drawn up (don’t worry you don’t have to use them if you don’t want to) and have her served at work during a busy time of the day. Turn your phone off. Let her twist in the wind all day with no way to contact you.

This woman clearly had little to no respect for you and she needs to understand how serious you are while having the strength to stand up for yourself. Then when she finally comes home you’ll be in a good position to handle this as you see fit.

Commenter 4: The fact that she is telling everyone that you are jealous is a major breach in marital trust. Things in the marriage are not to be shared outside of it. Also, we don’t really know how “badly” did you react and that omitting information is somewhat reasonable if you react so badly. Honestly, this doesn’t seem the case. Adam wife should be the opposite of what your wife did. You had a problem with him, cool, she will not text him ever again. Not go out with him ever outside of work. They already work together 8hrs, why hang out for drinks? Hell, I can’t stand my colleagues for barely 8 hrs., let alone longer. Also, her changing her pin and all that, is major major red flag. Also, you don’t know how many messages she has deleted. Also, her be willing to end a marriage over something she supposedly NOT do but just you being jealous, is super telling she already cheated. Is she was honest she would be trying the most to prove her innocence and not break the family over such small thing. The reality is man that she has probably already cheated and that your marriage is already over. Your hesitation is only on not being able to find another partner. You will, for sure. It looks tough situation now but in 1 year you will be chill and dating someone better. Good luck.

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There can be no love if there is no trust.

Lol comments hit the nail on head.

Oh no the owner knew? That’s bad. Hope they throw the book at them.

Nothing is going to make this right, so to speak, but a lawsuit, if successful may help with college expenses and/or therapy should you need it.

OOP: I haven’t agreed yet, but they are putting together a whole charge on him with any of the girls that want to press charges. Parents are talking about sueing the store

Commenter: Hindsight is certainly 20/20.

But I just got to laugh at all the people on here talking out their ass: Don’t trust the police, tell them to get a warrant, etc. And they were acting in a capacity to protect this young lady and others who had been victimized by this weirdo manager.

This should serve as a lesson: maybe we are all too damn opinionated about things we know very little about.

OOP: The first commenters were so helpful, telling me to talk to my parents. I’m kind of glad I didn’t check back here before doing just so. I probably would have gotten really scared.

New Update Update Post: December 9, 2025 (6 months from previous update)

Back in June I was asking for advice on the subject line. I thought it was because I had been taking home baked goods that were basically garbage, but turned out a past manager had been secretly recording me, my coworkers, and customers in the bathroom. He was uploading the videos on some Russian porn site. Some of the videos of me were taken while I was a minor.

I got good advice. I’m still getting messages asking for an update, so here iam.

Here’s my update:

Manager got arrested, but was released pretty quickly on bail. His uncle is one of the owners of the establishment, and apparently was aware of his pervertedness. Some girls complains about him taking their pictures, as well as being inappropriate. Instead of firing him, his uncle moved him from store to store. This caused a pretty big uproar among the local community. The uncle allegedly got kicked out from being an owner, or something.

In total there were 8 of us that were filmed. Ages 14-50something.

Court case won’t happen until sometime next year.

I’ve gotten therapy, and I’m doing pretty alright. The last many months, especially in the summer were pretty messed up. I’m glad all the info gathering is over with. Court will be pretty exhausting. Myself and the others are suing for damages.

There’s a lot more I can’t say, but that’s the gist. Dude got arrested, then released, lots of evidence, corrupt family shit, local uproar… will see what next year brings.

Editor’s note: the next update’s body text was saved before it was removed

Update #2: January 8, 2026 (a bit over four months later)

Hello and Happy New Year to those who celebrate!

I forgot about this account until now and have decided to post updates to anyone who cares. Links to the original post and first update will be below.

Okay so here’s the update: I filed for divorce a few months back and returned to the home per my lawyer’s advice but my wife and son have not made it easy.

I had to take video of them accosting me to a judge for them to finally back off or be forced to vacate the home. I also have a lock on my bedroom and office doors and a small fridge in my office. I also go to my oldest daughter’s house a lot for dinner for some peace and I also think it’s really convenient for when we have our deep conversations. I’ve also attended a couple of video therapy sessions with my youngest daughter to help her unpack some of her issues.

Ultimately, my daughters decided that in spite of it all they still want me around and can see that I’m willing to listen and respect their boundaries so we’re solid.

I left my job but was given a decent severance package and work as a freelance consultant for other companies in the same/similar field. I don’t get paid as much and don’t have as much security but it’s something and the free time allows me to help out more with the grandchildren.

My daughter’s children not SIL. SIL has decided to keep her distance until the divorce is finalized and she has primary custody of both the kids. My son is allowed to keep the oldest overnight but almost never does and won’t visit the youngest since they’re still baby who prefers breastmilk to formula.

My former mentee is suing my wife who had the audacity to ask me to pay her legal fees. Her divorce lawyer seriously asked for that and she’s trying to get the house. Last I checked they were going to settle which will end up having to come from her portion of the sale of the house. A sale that she was trying to stop by not approving of any of the repair people I suggested so we could fix up the house in order to get it ready as well as wanting to dispute it’s value.

It’s taken a judge’s order to get her to finally back off and I’m basically going to have to foot the bill for the repair and realtor fees if I want to get this over with sooner rather than later. Unfortunately the judge also agreed that the more I pay towards getting the house ready the less I have to pay out to my wife so I see that as a win.

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Update #1: September 18, 2025 (nearly one month later)

Because I still see a few people writing “Updateme” I thought I’d give a little update to the chaos that is my life.

In short the young woman who I was mentoring talked to HR is leaving the company and will be suing my wife for defamation. I am also being pushed to leave, despite HR clearing me of any wrongdoing. A lot of people in the office just give me dirty looks and/or keep their distance. I’ve also gotten a lawyer she feels confident that because the evidence of my wife’s blatant attempt to sabotage my reputation at work, I can just give her a lump settlement instead of alimony.

My lawyer also agrees to a lot of you in regards to not just giving my wife the house, but rather sale it and split the profits. I’m back in the house for now per my lawyer’s advice and it’s pretty miserable right now. Definitely drinking a lot more than I used to just trying to hang on.

I’ve also had some hard but honest conversations with my daughters and I have come to accept that there are certain aspects of fatherhood that I failed in. I did show up to school events and spend time with my children but overall I let my wife do the majority of the parenting and she favored our son. I just never really paid much attention and my daughters didn’t feel as if they could talk until now. However, they’re still willing to have a relationship with me and are on my side with the divorce.

I haven’t spoken to my daughter in law much but she did send me a “Thank you” text for standing up for her.

Thanks for reading.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Good news is it’s not too late to try and heal the relationship with your daughters and be an involved grandparent. I’m betting this isn’t the way you planned things to be but I think you can make things better than they were. Talk to your daughters (and DIL) and ask them if there’s anything you can do to become a better grand/parent.

Commenter 2: Can’t believe your wife rang your place of work and sabotaged you. What a cow. Your colleagues shouldn’t be privy to that as HR should have kept it quiet until an investigation was done. Don’t get pushed out, you did nothing wrong and the gossip will die down.

Definitely get half the house in your divorce, your wife doesn’t deserve to keep it. Your son is a spoiled brat. Feel sorry for your daughter in law.

Commenter 3: Quit drinking and spend more time with your daughter’s. Instead of wallowing in drinks, start rebuilding your relationship with them. Let that occupy your time and energy. Glad to hear you got a good lawyer. Document what is happening at work and consult an employment lawyer too.

Less advise and more on experiences of others in know in similar boat.

First off Looking younger makes you feel great as you get older. Especially since ppl spend tons on trying to look younger.

Keep in mind men can be afraid to approach women for many reasons. my female friends were rarely hit on by decent men the major city we lived in. even the one with perfect anime proportions.

Mom’s is this short, thin, and looked young but She married 5x before her 40s. I caught her a few times online dating and 1 of the husbands said it was social media.

Coworker ~180cm with child like proportions used online dating. Was too successful and couldn’t respond to everyone. Another ~150cm married someone she met through family.

SIL has it worst since she is just like the others but dancer body and child voice which is personally off-putting. Like Literally sounds the same as when she was 10. She was vocal about her frustrations getting a man and dressed poorly/older, gave herself bags under eyes and tattoos in efforts to age herself up. Totally fruitless efforts because Ultimately she ending up dating a nice tech guy from university that she decided to give a chance to.

Whatever you do don’t sell yourself short or doubt yourself. I watched too many friends date questionable males because they felt they had to settle. Dont be like my coworker with makeup smeered from tears in morning because you feel this is best you can do or my mom with a new bloke every year.

Honor of Kings: The Way of All Things episode did a great take on this.

I feel like op is overreacting here. Just seems like a cosplayer wanting to find an excuse to cosplay. Yes the Cathy is overstepping by forcing this but why not just let her do her thing but control it better by dicussing it in what capacity you will let her do this? Potentially this person will in op life so if she wants to entertain the kids, so be it? If she goes too far or against what was agreed upon then you have more rope to string her up with.

Seems like op is being stubborn unless it really legit is concerning and she feels Cathy is unsafe to be around kids.

I’m done. This made me a lot angrier than it should have, but it isn’t the first time someone in my family decides my plans and the effort I put in don’t mean shit. And if I can’t even plan my own child’s birthday party without someone trying to butt in, I don’t have to feel bad about drawing the line.

Cathy is officially banned from the party. My husband and I have alerted the venue that we didn’t hire any character performers, and if any caucasian-looking Korean pop star shows up they must tell her to go home. We also gave them a picture of her. They basically told us they can’t let anyone who’s not on the guest list inside anyway, so she won’t be allowed. I feel horrible about making them deal with my family drama, but at least that’s one less thing to worry about.

My dad and I did fight about this, but I put my foot down. He kept arguing that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I “just let Cathy have this.” I told him that’s not the point. If he’s not the one who’s going to have to manage the situation, he doesn’t get to tell me how hard it is to do it.

In the end, this is what we settled on: my dad can come to the birthday party as long as Cathy doesn’t tag along. If she does, they’re both out. Both of them can still join us for dinner later.

I’m also thinking about lowering my contact with both my dad and Cathy. I love my dad, but no headache is worth this. I want to wait until I’m calmer to work out the details.

I want to thank everyone. I’ve got a lot going on in my life and my therapist is on vacation, so it feels good to rant about this. But for my own sanity, I’m going to focus on relaxing for the next couple of weeks. I already feel much lighter knowing this is over.

Some of OOP’s Comments:

SarahSecressts: The dad trying to frame her studying a movie to hijack a toddler’s party as sweet instead of unhinged is some world-class enabling

OOP: Happens a lot, even when he disagrees with her.

Valuable-Job-7956: You know she’ll show up for dinner in costume right

OOP: It’s not the same thing. If she shows up in costume at a party full of small kids without warning, it’s easy for history to repeat itself. If she shows up in costume at a restaurant in which the only children present will be family and there wouldn’t be any real excuse for a character performer to be there, at worst she embarrasses herself.

PaisleyViking: When’s the party? You know we all want an update!

And YNTA. If she oversteps and you allow it, the oversteps are going to get bigger and bigger.

Update me!

OOP: I’m not sure I’ll update again. I’m pretty confident she won’t come to the party. If I truly don’t update, it’s because nothing happened (and the venue reassured me nothing will).

When several comments say she will show up anyway:

Cathy will not be allowed inside the venue, costume or not. If my dad shows up with her, she will still be asked to leave (and I won’t let him in either). To another commenter: She can’t be allowed inside the venue without being on the guest list. They know who she is and what she looks like, so it doesn’t matter whether she’s in costume or not. There is 0 chance Cathy is coming to the party. […]

Pumpkin_Witch13: I was a character performer and this is WILD. There’s a reason why we’re scheduled and reasons why we’re hired. The odds that Cathy can sound and look both like Cinderella from Disney and a Kpop demon hunter is just wild. And she’s like what, 50, 60 too? I don’t mean to be judgemental but kids can tell something might not be right if Cinderella went from being (18?) to 58. The most important rule to being a performer is doing NOTHING that would break the facade that the character is real

OOP: Exactly! I have a friend who used to be a party princess, and she cringed when I told her what happened. Cathy is in her 40s. She does look younger, but not enough to pass as these characters. When she dressed as Cinderella last year, she didn’t wear a wig (she’s blonde) and wore the same makeup she always wears, so there was no chance my daughter wouldn’t have recognized her.

Editor’s note: Marked as ongoing because OOP might update again after the party. But if not, I’ll change to concluded.

Sometimes family comments are just ppl being dumb but the trophy one seems mega stupied or intentionally hurtful. Glad to see the wife found her courage.

Update: December 4, 2020 (7.5 months later)

Hi everyone, it has been a while. I check in to reddit sporadically and have received a lot of requests for an update but the situation kept updating so its taken a while.

First of all, I showed all of your comments to my wife. There was a lot of back and forth because as nice and supportive as most of your replies were, at the end of the day my wife said none of you were in her shoes and wouldn’t have to deal with any consequences.

I told my wife that I would just have to take the executive decision to ban them from our house because I don’t want that energy around my family. Of course, due to covid they didn’t really see this as a big deal and just assumed it would be best for the baby to not have any guests, even immediate family, in the house. My wife kind of liked this because it felt like a way to side step the drama and still have some space, but that really didn’t do anything to change their behaviour.

But then we found out my wife was pregnant again only 10 months after our first. This was obviously sooner than we had anticipated, but it also sort of sparked something in my wife. I guess she follows some of those old wives’ tales about guessing the gender and she feels like this time we’re having a boy. I think the prospect of having a boy really shocked her and forced her to realize she doesn’t have a huge timeline to be able to correct a lot of these issues she has with her parents because as soon as our son is born she knows our daughter is going to have to deal with their bs the same way my wife did. So she decided to meet her parents by herself and set out what her expectations were and if they failed to follow them, then they weren’t going to meet our son or any other future children.

Her parents I guess assumed she was bluffing and tried to come over and call me, I told them I don’t make the rules and I’m not going around my wife. So they called my wife and told her that they would do their best to improve and fix any mistakes that were pointed out to them in their behaviour. I guess that has been good enough for now because while we still have banned visitors to the house, my wife has resumed facetime calls. I’ve seen a huge improvement in my wife’s mood, so thanks reddit for your feedback and support!

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OOP: We found our home right now and its absolutely perfect, and it’s close to her other family members she loves too, and my family so moving isn’t an option.

My wife also understands this isn’t normal, but she just hates tension, she wants to appease them, she doesn’t want to create a divide by confronting them.

I just can’t tolerate their energy in our house. My wife doesn’t want me to speak up for her because we have a good relationship and she doesn’t like tension, but I can’t handle their toxicity our home

OOP responds to a comment regarding that he should not try to control who his wife can see due to her family’s behaviors. OOP shares more about his wife’s relationship with her brothers

OOP: This is also what my sister was trying to get at. She says that it can be controlling and isolating to dictate who my wife gets to see. I also don’t want to isolate my kid(s) from the entire community because they’ll lose touch with their culture, I just wanna separate the bad parts

Her brothers are really nice and supportive of her, but her parents just act like they’re teasing and its harmless. But her brothers live about 30mins away and honestly it shouldn’t be their job to constantly have to police their parents because they aren’t here for 100% of the things they do. They tell them to stop when they are around but when they aren’t my wife doesn’t want me speaking up to them and in fear that I might damage my relationship with her parents. Its more older people in the community who would gossip and stir stuff up and cause drama

Im always scared when ppl go this path with human babies. Go crazy on middle name but not first!

LastCut3224

Tell him him that you’ll stay if he comes clean. Hopefully record it too. Then continue to dump his sorry ass. Send a text to his father so that he’ll be disappointed his son turned out like his mother

OOP

His father is truly one of the kindest people I met, I wouldn’t wish him having any ill feelings with his family. I don’t hate my now ex, I just don’t love him anymore. Honestly, I’ve felt anger so much this week and it’s done nothing beneficial. I’ve been clearing my head, thinking of positives, going through my memories… I felt relief. Relief that I know now, and not later down the road. Relief that I can solely focus on myself. Relief a baby wasn’t involved, and that we aren’t married. It’s a shitty situation, but the relief is a way better feeling than the anger

QueenAlpaca

You’re the most level-headed OP I’ve come across in a long time. Good for you, and I wish you well in moving on.

OOP

Thank you & truthfully, I don’t know if I would’ve been level-headed if the conversation went differently.

The moment I was being spoken to that way, completely made me look at him differently. I didn’t want to fight, I didn’t want to argue. I didn’t want to be with him at all.

kaylakunnymuffin

I commend you for your maturity and being so level headed. I on the other hand, am not like this but am working on it lol

I do have to ask though, do you think you may have been a bit checked out before this situation came about?

I only ask, because I’ve been in similar situations with ex partners before and I was pretty cool, calm and collected when I ended things, but mainly because I was mostly already checked out of that relationship, mentally anyway.

OOP

Similar but not quite.

As soon as he used the words he did, I was done. It was easy for me not to be mad because there was no reason fighting with someone I will be blocking, and there’s no reason to fight and act like I care to make it work when I clearly do not.

I was a bit anxious following up to our conversation that was a few after the original post, but I wasn’t checked out until the language he used

Abualiexpress1

He couldn’t answer a simple yes or no answer and got mad at you instead. I think you are right for moving on.

Classic cheater manouver (DARVO): Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Just because his mom cheated on his dad doesn’t make him immune to cheating.

OOP

Thank you, me too

cinnamon_s

Just because it happened with his parents does not mean he wouldn’t. It’s a cover.

OOP

No it does not mean anything to be honest. But even with that, we’ve talked about how he felt after knowing this and it was basically just him having issues with trusting women lol

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