Yesterday I updated my pronouns from she/they/any pronoun to they/she/any pronoun. Something deep inside me feels like that order fits better. “They” feels more right than “she”.
When I joined, my bio started “Cis woman”. Then “I’m a woman… I think” for a year or so. As of yesterday it starts “Woman or woman-like substance”.
Anyone have any tips? Tricks? Things that’ll help me figure out if this is the direction I really need to go? I feel kinda lost here. (and a smidge of imposter syndrome)
I found reading broadly was helpful - finding other people who have similar experiences of gender as you and who have written about it can really be helpful for discovering yourself.
For transmasc experiences:
- We Both Laughed in Pleasure by Lou Sullivan
- Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
- Welcome to St. Hell a graphic memoir by Lewis Hancox
- Gender Queer another graphic memoir by Maia Kobabe
Personally I found “experimentation” worthless as a trans person, e.g. when I was in denial and I would try to crossdress to see how I felt, it always made me feel worse. Makeup made me feel worse. I misinterpreted this as evidence I didn’t find those things gender-affirming. That said, it’s a common suggestion and you could try it out and see if it helps.
You could try one of those apps that gender swaps your face - how that makes you feel can be some indication.
You can always just try HRT - that’s a valid way to try to figure out how you feel.
Obviously a good idea is to find a gender-informed therapist (ideally someone who has lots of experience with other trans patients) to help you walk through how you feel.
Start by thinking of fictional characters that you’ve admired or feel resonate with who you are. What made this fictional character someone I could relate to? What made this individual’s aesthetic and presentation worth emulating?
Not to be silly, but for me, it was Donatello the Ninja Turtle. I admired his compassion and curiosity. It was a gentler sort of masculinity that I felt was something worth emulating, rather than more toxic representations that are pervasive on that front. Later on, I encountered Raine Whispers from Owl House. I loved their courage and revolutionary spirit, and I just love their actor’s voice. I wish I could steal it. Rosie O’Donnel’s performance of Turk in Tarzan was also something that I wish I could emulate, vocally. Even as a kid, I had no idea Turk was a girl, and couldn’t tell if she was a boy. I had seen so many cartoon characters in drag that seeing Turk in Jane’s dress was funny no matter how you sliced it because it felt hilariously wrong for their gender.
I’m a firm believer in the idea that we learn so much from storytelling as we’re growing up, and the heroes we admire end up becoming a part of who we are. I’m sure there’s one character in a story you know who has roughly the gender you’re looking for.
So is that why my favourite sci-fi characters are Captain Janeway, Samantha Carter, and Ripley? Hmm even Buffy.
Okay I’ve certainly got a thing with strong women, especially when wearing tank tops now that I think about it.
Not to be silly, but for me, it was Donatello the Ninja Turtle. I admired his compassion and curiosity. It was a gentler sort of masculinity that I felt was something worth emulating, rather than more toxic representations that are pervasive on that front
I just wanted to tell you, that’s not silly at all. I have always really liked Beast from the X-Men for similar reasons.
It can be remarkably difficult to find gender-related things that I want to emulate so I’ll take them where I can get them.
Heya! I’m so glad you felt good about that pronoun change. Thank you so much for sharing the beginning of your journey here. And it is your unique journey so it’s going to be different from everyone else’s. Don’t you worry about a thing.
As for age, I didn’t understand that I was transgender until I was already over 50 years old. But once I got there, so many things in my life made way more sense. The journey takes a great deal of patience and a lot of self care but it is so worth it.
Whenever I get that certain feeling of gender euphoria now, I know I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing in the moment. It sounds like changing your pronouns may have been that gender euphoric moment for you. Learning how to express oneself when one’s idea of oneself is still coalescing is not easy. Take your time. Take it from me, there’s no rush and you aren’t too late! I wish you all the best! :)
