My relationship to faith and religion has evolved significantly over the years. I was raised in a conservative, mostly baptist congregation called, uncreatively, First Christian Church. (It was not a Disciples of Christ church, as many churches called Christian Churches are; it was independent of any greater movement.) My family went to this church until I was in high school; following an incident of marital infidelity by the pastor, we left and never went back. I didn’t find this out until much later, after a time where we didn’t go to church at all. (My father, who was raised Russian Orthodox, did reconnect with Orthodoxy late in his life, but I wasn’t part of that.)

I spent three semesters studying music at a Methodist junior college. By this time, I had begun to struggle with what theologians call the Problem of Evil: namely, the inconsistency between religious teachings of an all-powerful, benevolent God and the existence of evil, pain, and suffering in the world. I couldn’t believe in a God that was powerless to prevent evil, and I didn’t want to believe in a God that could prevent evil but chose not to. I went to this college in spite of my religious skepticism, and was exposed to a lot of “ministry” from the faculty and my fellow students. This (plus certain people in the music program) turned me off, and I left. From that point forward, most of my life was indifferent to, if not outright hostile to, organized religion. I came to think of myself as an “apathetic agnostic”, by which I meant I wasn’t sure if God existed or not, but I didn’t care. I still feel this way today.

At some point, I started recognizing the good deeds done by certain religious people and groups, and began to soften my objection to religion a bit. I still didn’t definitively believe in a God, but I came to understand what humanism was (both the secular and religious varieties) and came to believe more in people and their actions, whether or not they were driven by belief in God or Jesus or Mohammad or no one at all.

This eventually led me to the UUs. Over the course of the 20th century, the Unitarian and Universalist communities diverged from the strict dogma and practice of the Judeo-Christian tradition, liberalizing their thoughts and beliefs. Recognizing that they were walking the same paths, they joined together as Unitarian Universalists. The things I got from reading their principles spoke directly to me: People are inherently good and worthy. Spirituality is different things to different people. Common ground and shared actions are the way forward. Justice and charity are important. And it’s up to you to decide how all of these things fit into your faith. A favorite joke UUs have about themselves is that they don’t have all the answers, but they do have all the questions. And I was always someone who asked questions and wanted to know why, and wanted an answer beyond “we do things this way because we’ve always done things this way.”

I finally got around to joining a UU church in 2004. I spent a few years advising the high school youth group and teaching middle school Religious Exploration (aka “Sunday school.”) I also played drums with the choir when they had a need for rhythm. Along the way, I met a single mother and her daughter who became my family; we married in that church in 2008. (My spouse was a long-term brain tumor survivor, fighting valiantly until her death in 2018. I have always considered her daughter as my own. She’s off on her own now, slaying a PhD program in California.)

These days, I’m a member of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Fairfax near my home. In 2025, I started singing in the choir, something I hadn’t done since music school all those years ago. It was a challenge, but I had fun and got introduced to some great music and great people. I also got to staff the congregation’s table at my town’s Pride event this year; that was a big step for someone whose childhood faith taught that being queer was an unforgivable sin. Most importantly, they are welcoming of my “apathetic agnosticism”, meaning I don’t know if “God” exists, and I don’t care. So it’s gone well so far.

If you’ve had bad experiences with religion like I did, don’t let them turn you off to faith and spirituality generally. UUs aren’t the only people going in a different direction, but they’re the people I feel most at home with. We’d love to have you join us to see if you feel at home, too.