My dream is to taste lightning.

Should have checked out Benjamin Franklin’s dinner parties when you had a chance.

That’s stupid. They use use AI to say please and thank you for their employees.

“Welcome to Burger King where you r-PLEASE… Would you like to try our THANK YOU”

Charlie Sheen has entered the chat

Hey! We didn’t start it!

“History of cheating” doesn’t necessarily mean “cheater.” To those on a trajectory to make a mistake, far better lessons come from those who made mistakes and can explain how to avoid them than those who can only say, “don’t make mistakes.” I’m sure there’s a better way to say this than the clumsy words I’ve chosen.

Bad news for ya. Texas checking in with tax-free food

I mean, we could burn both of them

Positive thoughts for you!

I thought this post was a “rate my outfit” kinda thing. I was like, “oh shit! No, don’t wear a robe to your interview! Make them hire you before they truly meet you.”

I used to ask my anosmic mom if it smelled like roses. She uses that line frequently now.

Screenshat

Fronch

Your comment looks mean. What’s it say?

Cool. Give your billions to the bottom 90%, and we’ll decide whether to believe that’s all you did with Epstein.

(We’ll definitely decide to not believe you)

Me: looking at plants after realizing that I’m full of ions

“KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!”

In fairness, I only bought the shirt in my size so that it would be comfortable for her to sleep in. I never actually planned to wear it. Shame that it’s a fucking Disturbed shirt and that I wanna set fire to it.

Right??? And the thing that stands out to me as full-on banana-pants crazy is how he famously learned his lesson, was humbled by his own platform, and turned it all around; yet, these fuckface anti-vaxxers insist on only publishing what he would have argued to have been the greatest mistake of his life, and use an appeal to celebrity and misinformation by omission to support their repeatedly proven-wrong fetishes. It’s like calling Neil Armstrong a champion for incontinence because he repeatedly peed his pants in space.

Teens trying to burn their overused socks, which briefly revealed phantom hieroglyphics

One time, I farted, and my wife said “HIIIIIIII!” from the other room. I asked her who she was talking to, and she asked, “didn’t you say ‘hello?’”

It was at that moment that we realized that my butt has achieved full AGI.

Your comment should call itself something and… cake.

YOU’RE INSUFFICIENT! Sick burn.

Where did y’all find video of my current bathroom reno?