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stavvers

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Troubled maiden aunt with homosexual tendencies. Tumblr psychopomp. She/her.

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@stavvers@masto.ai avatar stavvers , to random

New fave adhd object: a wristwatch. Just a little miraculous doohicky that tells me what the time is without telling me I have a ton of texts and emails to look at. 10/10 would recommend.

@stavvers@masto.ai avatar stavvers , to random

TIL that in 1981, a conference was called to organise a search for the impact crater for the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs. That same week, at another conference, a paper was presented having found just such a crater off Yucatán but it wasn't noted because everyone was at the other conference.

@stavvers@masto.ai avatar stavvers , to random

Happy circulatory system walking through the kitchen day to all who celebrate!

A panel from Watchmen depicting a human circulatory system in a kitchen. Chefs look on in horror. The text box says "it's November 10th now. There is a circulatory system walking through the kitchen"
ALT
stavvers OP ,
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Happy partially muscled skeleton screaming by the perimeter fence day to all who celebrate. A solemn 30 second screaming before vanishing will take place at 11am.

@stavvers@masto.ai avatar stavvers , to random

Okay internet, I need your help. bought this bottle and in the chaos of the self checkouts the security cover wasn't taken off. How do I get into this gin? Helpful answers only plz. (I promise I didn't steal it, both me and the self checkout guy just forgot deal with it)

The underside of the security collar on aforesaid bottle. If I could properly describe what I was looking at and how it worked I wouldn't be asking the internet for advice on breaking it

The underside of the security collar on aforesaid bottle. If I could properly describe what I was looking at and how it worked I wouldn't be asking the internet for advice on breaking it
ALT
@stavvers@masto.ai avatar stavvers , to random

quoots have been with us for all of a few hours and already we have embraced calling them quoots. great job fedi, let's hit the showers

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Annoying grammar sticklers, now is your moment to shine. Be more like Ian.

Private eye letters page: Proscription charges Sir, I can't believe I was arrested this afternoon at Parliament Square SECONDS after holding up a placard. I deliberately wanted to show the absurdity of the current legislation by carefully wording my placard to read as follows: "I oppose genocide. I support Palestine (full stop here, if your screen reader didnt pick it up). Action needed now!" Naively I assumed I couldn't be arrested as technically if you read the placard text carefully I was not expressing support for a proscribed organisation. I am of a generation that thought that Britain believed in free speech, and I simply wanted to express my utter horror at the present situation in Gaza. But the strategically placed full stop failed tocsave me IAN D, MURSELL, London.
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@stavvers@masto.ai avatar stavvers , to random

IT'S TUMBLR THREAD TIME! I'll be posting about 5-10 screencaps a day from the very best of tumblr. The mob wants it. The mob will get it.

stavvers OP ,
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banana nonbinary: are you fucking kidding me the red line beads are a FAR more compelling texture than the blue line. “oh but the red line is booring.” the appeal is in how it interacts with and highlights the other lines you philistine. without the red line there’s no cohesion at all. read a book. nfirr: Literally hop off. Red doesn’t even use gravity as an element in the main route. Orange is one of the only three lines (with green and yellow) to actually use gravity to add complexity to the route, and is honestly an underrated pick. Have fun playing “push left” simulator with red. Idiot. blood feathers: things heating up in the pediatricians waiting room
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    stupid name for a baby

    stavvers OP ,
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    rat in the grain

    stavvers OP ,
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    galapagos finches

    dont piss me off. next time you go on a trip im filling your house with galapagos finches. by the time you return, they've evolved to fill your niche. they're a better spouse to your partner. they're a better parent for your child. and? they're a better friend to me than you ever were.
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    lootdrops

    tomb mould: you literally have shitty hide armor and a dull ass shortsword. let me guess. your loot is 6 gold coins too? 🙄 vodka and fedoras: friendly fucking reminder do NOT post about your lootdrops publicly!!! this post is a great example of "table baiting" to get you to reveal what valuables you drop on death WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY PUTTING YOU AT RISK OF FARMING!!! think for a second and be safe out there!!
    ALT
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    corporate memphis art

    I love corporate memphis art ❤️❤️ Photo of a window decal at what appears to be a coffee shop. It is (I think) a stylised guy sitting with legs parted, drinking iced coffee from a domed lid cup with a straw. However, it really, really looks like he just has a huge erect penis in his hand. Screenshotted tags: #me jorking my peanor #penits... #dear lord that's penice he holdin his penus #his pebis. #pingus #jorkin his penitz His weenor!! : #slorking on m'own peanus #his memphenis #penor #caulk
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    Ozy'mandias

    Hi my name is Ozy'mandias, King of Kings and I have two vast and trunkless legs of stone and a frown and wrinkled lip and a lot of people tell me I look like the Younger Memnon (a/n if you don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm a statue but my visage is shattered and lies half sunk on the sand. I’m also a colossal wreck, and I stand in the desert of an antique land where I’ve been for a really long time (I’m ancient). I’m a lifeless thing (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly the passions the sculptor read and stamped on me, which yet survive. I love sculptors and I get all my expressions from there. For example today I was wearing a sneer of cold command and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was standing in the desert. The lone and level sands were boundless and bare, which I was very happy about. A lot of mighty looked upon my works and despaired. I put my middle finger up at them.
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    crazy frog

    stavvers OP ,
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    the cuck chair

    stavvers OP ,
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    the samsung phone

    milk5: Mangled corpse of cave man 8000 years old grasping primitive samsung phone discovered in croatian bog soil milk5: forensic evidence suggests that he was typing the following message at time of death: not my White Ass succumbing to Great Tusk Predator 😭😭 Scots dragon: White people didn’t exist eight thousand years ago. Europeans had noticeably darker skin back then. thy dungeon gal: The Samsung phone, on the other hand,
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    giving sheep testosterone

    stavvers OP ,
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    glasses

    stavvers OP ,
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    unwritten rules

    stavvers OP ,
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    13.21

    I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio” breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    grab a danish

    stavvers OP ,
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    regency-era ghost

    please return to heaven: *gets dressed up to spend time in the woods alone* bench: once at dawn i dressed up in my regency suit and went for a walk in the woods where i heard someone go “oh” (a little like a moan) and i got terrified i’d interrupted someone dogging or something so i immediately tried to walk away before i saw the person in question, who was just walking their dog (dogging in a sense!) and i got even more scared because they were wearing black skinny jeans and a black hoodie so they looked like they had very long slender arms and legs, and both of us were really shaken so i quickly tried to get out of sight. anyway i forgot i was wearing full 1810s regencywear complete with hat and probably looked significantly more like a ghost than they did. remember you’re never alone in the woods bowling with skulls: imagine walking your dog in the woods and seeing an obvious Regency-era ghost notice you and bolt out of sight, visibly shaken
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    boney mcclyde

    Boney McClyde does the last of the autumn chores, even though he'd rather rest Photo of a skeleton in daylight, seen from a distance, posed with a lawnmower to appear as if it is mowing the lawn My husband just showed me the picture one of our 12yos took of it and I feel like I shouldn't have wasted my time Night time full moon photo of the same skeleton with a lawnmower. Taken from a low angle. It looks fuckin cool This genuinely looks like a GooseBumps cover
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    the left hand of darkness

    Boyfriend: wait but I thought you could change from alpha to omega? Like you get hit with a pheromone and bam become that and you fuck, but the rest of the time you’re androgynous Me: … I think you have confused omegaverse with the seminal piece of science fiction literature The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Le Guin (Screenshotted tag) wait what is left hand of darkness about Nationalism is a societal evil
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    knock knock

    stavvers OP ,
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    waiting for my nails to dry

    stavvers OP ,
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    how homophobia affects insecure men

    It's kind of tragic how homophobia affects insecure men. Like sometimes they want to experiment with a bit of anal and instead of just buying a sex toy and some lube like a normal person, they instead shove random objects up their ass that inevitably get stuck and then they try to get them out by themselves which makes things worse and then they lie to doctors about it and like this all leads to all kinds of extra complications like internal damage, risk of infections, bleeding, the fall of Yugoslavia, etc. Come on guys, just buy a dildo. It's way safer and it leads to way fewer problems. Screenshotted replies: Hang on I gotta google something Hey what the fuck Screenshotted wikipedia page: Dorde Martinovic incident
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    • + GroupNebula563
    stavvers OP ,
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    original post 26th october 2016

    stavvers OP ,
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    dirty talk like llms

    stavvers OP ,
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    left hand of darkness

    stavvers OP ,
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    friend of dorothy

    stavvers OP ,
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    gender affirming henchmen

    stavvers OP ,
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    a classic, aged like a fine wine

    I really don’t know what crowd I expected to be in the theatre for carol at 1:20 in the afternoon on a friday but it was probably 85% old people, old het couples and halfway through the movie this old lady in front of me turned to the old dude next to her and just said “harold they’re lesbians” Honoring 10 years of “harold they’re lesbians.” Many happy returns to all who celebrate.
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    feel like a disney princess

    when I eat a bacon egg and cheese I feel like a disney princess to whom animals flock, singing and bearing gifts, in this case those animals being a cow chicken and pig, the cow brings me milk wgich it turns into cheese, the chicken brings its eggs in a pretty little basket, and the pig kills itself which usually brings the mood down a little bit for like a moment but we recover
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    the spirit is willing

    stavvers OP ,
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    least favourite turn based strategy game

    stavvers OP ,
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    printers

    stavvers OP ,
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    based on your interests

    stavvers OP ,
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    the wok left

    stavvers OP ,
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    the cuck chair

    stavvers OP ,
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    holy shit is that kate bush

    stavvers OP ,
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    spicy

    Tim official: there are two competing sects on this website - one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "neurodivergent" and one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "sexual content." i do not like either of them Anarcho gamer: I use spicy to describe food Catgirl foreskin: my food is mentally ill and I’m putting my dick in it Fruit viking: twilight
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    • + Sassinake
    stavvers OP ,
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    you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands

    stavvers OP ,
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    Jane and Jason

    "Oh you have a dick?" "... yeah." He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says "Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!" And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride. My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"
    I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests. Hyperbolic orange: "Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all." "Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery." "My god... everything's coming up Jason." Dancing butterfly: Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

    I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests. Hyperbolic orange: "Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all." "Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery." "My god... everything's coming up Jason." Dancing butterfly: Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual
    ALT
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    • stavvers OP ,
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    mwahahaha

    stavvers OP ,
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    wolf goat and cabbage polycule

    stavvers OP ,
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    the nucleus of the boyband polycule