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MostlyHarmless

@[email protected]

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

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@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Adulthood is realizing Superman comics aren’t fantasy about how good it would be to have power; they’re a fantasy about what it would be like if someone with power was good.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

The Dow is crashing. Someone let Pam Bondi know so we can talk about the Epstein Files.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

A mashup of Idiocracy and Black Mirror and call it Reality.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

A careful study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy something was twenty-five years ago.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a washed-up billionaire walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Brain: Did we get anything done this long weekend?
Me: No.
Brain: Okay, then at least we relaxed.
Me. Somehow also no.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

“I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving any social occasion where cake has not been provided.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Johannes Gutenberg: I've invented this printing press.
Printing press: You're out of magenta.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

I'd love to unclench my jaw someday.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

My partner and I have decided not to vaccinate our kid. We think a registered nurse will be probably be the best person for the job.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Fred Trump had dementia and his family set up a fake office so he could think he was in charge while other people made the decisions. Mentioning this for no particular reason at all. Not even sure what made me think of it.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk but never got the chants.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

If Apple and Google really wanted to be helpful, they’d display how many uninstalls an app has in their app stores.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

If only there was some sort of seasonally appropriate story about the ills of one man having too much money and being awful to everyone.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Seven swans to rule them all
Six geese to find them.
Five rings to bring them all,
And in the pear tree
Bind them.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

I would be much thinner if I hadn't gained all this weight.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Science tip: You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Unpacked our Nativity scene yesterday. Removed all the Jews, Arabs and foreigners. Ended up with a jackass and a handful of sheep.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

What do democracy and football have in common?
Adding the word “American” completely changes the meaning.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Not my circus, not my monkeys. But I definitely know a few of the clowns.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Recently learned that 50% of men surveyed believe they could land a commercial aircraft in an emergency, and knowing this has helped me understand a lot of the emails I get at work.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random
@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

Exercise is basically hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself.

@MostlyHarmless@thecanadian.social avatar MostlyHarmless , to random

If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.