“I have to hate Springsteen now, too?” ask tearful Magaloons, realising all that’s left for them is Kid Rock ( newsthump.com )
Women ruining International Men’s Day by repeatedly asking ‘Yeah but when is International WOMEN’S Day’ ( newsthump.com )
Unemployment figures show sharp increase in government blaming everyone else ( newsthump.com )
Stolen Louvre jewellery found safe and sound inside the British museum ( newsthump.com )
Eight pieces of jewellery stolen from the Louvre have been found safe and sound inside the British Museum, French police have confirmed. ...
Stolen Louvre jewellery found safe and sound inside the British museum ( newsthump.com )
Man happy to believe any old bullshit as long as it confirms his existing biases ( newsthump.com )
In a stunning triumph for willful ignorance, local man Derek Williams has once again demonstrated his unwavering commitment to believing absolutely anything that confirms what he already believes. ...
Free speech absolutist now up to three boycotts a week ( newsthump.com )
I am still the greatest computer of all time, insists ZX Spectrum 48k ( newsthump.com )
Doctors discover link between increasing number of children getting measles and their parents being gullible morons ( newsthump.com )
Fury as man who threatened to invade Greenland and who uses military against own people fails to win Nobel Peace Prize ( newsthump.com )
Donald Trump has once again been cruelly snubbed by the Nobel Peace Prize committee, despite what he insists was an “incredible” year of personal achievements in the field of “peace, which is very strong right now, the strongest peace anyone’s ever seen.” ...
Fury as man who threatened to invade Greenland and who uses military against own people fails to win Nobel Peace Prize ( newsthump.com )
Donald Trump cancels Gaza ceasefire after failing to win Nobel Peace Prize ( newsthump.com )
Donald Trump has announced he’s cancelled the ceasefire in Gaza following the Nobel Committee’s decision not to award him this year’s Peace Prize. ...
Man busy plotting excruciating revenge against co-worker who used his coffee cup ( newsthump.com )
Office worker Simon Williams has spent the morning devising cruel and unusual punishments for the utter bastard that deliberately used his coffee cup. ...
US Treasury unveils brand new Trump-Epstein $1 coin ( newsthump.com )
The US Treasury has unveiled a brand new commemorative $1 coin featuring best pals Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein to celebrate America’s 250th birthday. ...
US Treasury unveils brand new Trump-Epstein $1 coin ( newsthump.com )
Grown man cancels Netflix after cartoon robot alien that transforms into different things fails to identify as male or female ( newsthump.com )
A grown man has today cancelled his Netflix account, insisting the platform has gone woke because an alien character in cartoon about robots that transform into other things didn’t identify as male or female. ...
Man installs ‘placebo thermostat’ to let family think they’re putting the heating on ( newsthump.com )
A man has installed a fake thermostat in the hall of his three-bed semi in the hope it will prevent his wife and children putting the heating on any time they ‘feel a bit chilly’. ...
Donald Trump to ban Indiana Jones franchise after learning of its strong anti-fascist themes ( newsthump.com )
President Donald Trump has moved to ban the Indiana Jones franchise from all American streaming services after being told the main protagonist is a well-known participant in anti-fascist violence. ...
Government shutdown reveals Donald Trump’s biggest critic to be his own 2013 Twitter account ( newsthump.com )
Donald Trump’s 2013 Twitter account has launched a stinging attack on 2025 Donald Trump for allowing the government to shutdown. ...
Man insisting he is an ‘Alpha Male’ seems awfully keen to follow the lead of other men on the Internet ( newsthump.com )
Local man and self-proclaimed “alpha male” Simon Williams, 35, was today spotted scrolling through his phone to double-check what Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and whichever shirtless ‘manosphere coach’ just went viral on TikTok would like him to do next. ...
Least popular government in decades attempts to change its fortunes by reintroducing least popular policy in decades ( newsthump.com )
In a bold bid to reverse Labour’s record-breaking slide in the polls, Sir Keir Starmer has announced plans to dust off Tony Blair’s famously doomed digital ID scheme, the political equivalent of trying to win back your ex by reminding them of that time you cheated. ...
Locking up corrupt Presidents for financial crimes sets ‘a terrible precedent’, warns President with 34 felony convictions for financial crime ( newsthump.com )
Donald Trump has condemned France’s decision to jail former President Nicolas Sarkozy, describing it as “radical Marxism of the worst kind, almost as bad as letting poor people have healthcare.” ...
Violence is the fault of Democrats who compared Trump to Hitler, insists Vice President who compared Trump to Hitler ( newsthump.com )
The Democrats who compare Trump to Hitler are at fault for all violence against right-wing figures, according to the Vice President who publicly compared Trump to Hitler. ...
Nation capable of spotting spurious link between paracetamol and autism still baffled by obvious link between guns and mass shootings ( newsthump.com )
Nation capable of spotting spurious link between paracetamol and autism still baffled by obvious link between guns and mass shootings ( newsthump.com )
The United States has once again demonstrated its unique talent for scientific deduction by confidently declaring there may be a link between pregnant women taking paracetamol and children developing autism, while continuing to insist that the 600-plus mass shootings a year have absolutely nothing to do with everyone owning a ...