Get all 10 Geraldine Quinn releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of BROAD / The Passion of Saint Nicholas (2-for-1), Every Single Christmas, I Am (by Casey Bennetto), (You Put The) Hate Into Housemate, Fox Poncing, The Last Gig In Melbourne, MDMA: Modern Day Maiden Aunt, The Bucket Fountain (of Love), and 2 more.
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I haven’t missed driving around a block or three
Keeping my little green eyes peeled
For when the parking metre’s free
Living in my PJs
My definition of bliss
But if there’s one thing that I miss…
I’ve missed your stink. I’ve missed the stench of you…
I never miss the hustle
Or the Vitamin D
My soul is renewed by solitude, it’s so appealing to me
Sometimes it’s lonely
It would be of me remiss
If I did not mention missing this:
The pong of you guys…The fear in your eyes….
Our memories - Are so olfactory
It’s hardly a surprise
Goodbye sobriety, career status anxiety
I’ve been hunkered down at home
It fills me with doom to be in a crowded room
But I’m hungry for a whiff of all your pheromones
Not gonna miss iso or saying “Locky D”
Not gonna miss all the white hot takes
Or the endless conspiracies
We all need connection
And it’s worth taking the risk
So I no longer have to reminisce…
About your stink
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2. |
Relatable (BROAD)
04:30
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I landed an agent - The future was bright
Enlisted in workshops - And sent out invites
And then I auditioned for mums!
Mum after mum I auditioned for muuuuums
I was 26 next to a 50 plus actor
Playing my husband, I went up for mums.
If I only was relatable
My agent would say “your look is unique -
Not girl-next-door dateable
They loved your audition” she tried to console
“You have to try hard at being less droll
Don’t be downhearted, you’ll get the next role
You’re just not what they’re looking for!”
I went back to music – why not cabaret?
I started with covers - And nothing to say
I invited my agent along
To prove to her I had a talent with song
She said “you’re right – your pipes have some juice
I’ve got you an audition for a Disneyland cruise!”
“See you’ve gotta be relatable
Make yourself palatable as you can
Just more relatable
Then you wouldn’t struggle to book the event
Try being less YOU – you know what I meant
Sign here - and YES - I get 15 per cent”
So I tried to be what they were looking for
We had a meeting - It didn’t go well
She said “It’s not working - We simply don’t gel”
By then I was writing some songs of my own
Did my first solo original show
Several years later I won an award
But none of the managers took me aboard
They said… (pause while I try to control myself)
“You’re not that relatable
Do you have to write your own songs?
They’re not translatable
We know your story’s regaling and true
But nobody’s wanting - THIS - point of view
We love what you’re doing – we just don’t love YOU
You’ll never be what we are looking for”
If there is a moral, then take this away:
They may hold the cards - And not know how to play
Sometimes your life is a torturous slog.
But that doesn’t mean you’re not good at your job
I think it’s OK to let yourself cry
As long as you get up and give it a try
Who cares if you are relatable?
And it may feel unobtainable
One day you’ll be what they are looking for
You’ll be what they are looking for
You'll be what they are looking for
You will be what I’m looking for
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3. |
On The Internet (BROAD)
02:42
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4. |
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It’s such a cock forest at the manger
Enough testosterone to choke an ass
We’re really not venting
But this representing
Is leaning hard to the privileged class
It’s such a cock forest at the manger
Let’s go home
There’s not enough ladies at the manger
There’s not enough enbys or the gender queer
We find ourselves boxed in
By fellas and oxen
You might be giving us the bummest steer
It’s such a cock forest at the manger
Let’s go home
It’s such a weird vibe at the manger
Joe keeps saying he’s divinely cucked
This gender reveal has
A trio of beard dads
The angel’s filling up the crib with chuck
It’s such a cock forest at the manger
( It’s kinda shonk
Let’s go home
I’ll call a donkey
Let’s… go… home
Ah! MEN!
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5. |
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I was working on my girl boss dream in 2017
The most organic supplements you’ve ever seen
I built my online product range
“Mums au naturel”
Then in 2020 we descended into hell
Now I have a fever but I’ve done my own research
I have no sense of taste. By the way check out my merch
I’ll be fine! Yeah I’ll pull through.
I holiday in Byron, treat myself with baby poo
I’ll be fine! I take turmeric and lime
My water’s alkaline so I’ll be fine
My shakras are aligned and I’ll be fine
Check out my husband’s socials! He manages a gym
He activates his seed by hanging weights off his foreskin
He talks a lot ‘bout pure blood. All his friends are white
They’ve hired the same designer
From some place called The Third Reich
(spoken break)
He’d never break a promise, he just has a nasty flu
He’s still going to the Grampians to camp with local youth
And he’ll be fine! He’s never wrong
He can’t catch a virus, his immune system’s so strong
He’ll be fine! You sheep stay in your line
That hacking cough’s benign, he’ll be fine
Blood oxygen of nine, but he’ll be fine
Om mani padme om
Om mani padme om…
Namaste…
(Click the link to join our community it’s sixty two dollars fifty a minute…)
Namaste…
Subscribe
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6. |
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It’s gonna happen one day - That’s what the poets say
Everybody finds love
You can get rich - dispensing romance tips – like this
Get yourself out there! Don’t be too forward
Be cool – but far from cold
Honesty helps – though no oversharing
Stay in touch – but not too much
It’s too much advice! At too high a price!
Trust me – the gamut’s run
I’m in my prime - Form an orderly line
I’m ready to find the one!
But if you don’t want my best
You don't deserve me at my worst
You may have a shot - Or maybe not - So what?
I’ve got places to be
So I’m on the shelf - This cheese won’t eat itself – I tells you
No more mutating
Ingratiating cause you’re scared to be alone
It’s so frustrating - Who cares if you’re dating
Or you’re curled up with your phone
Some days I’m FINE! Dressed up to the nines and
Ready to effervesce!
And when I’m glum - It’s dinner for one
And that’s gonna cost me less
And if you don’t want my best
You don't deserve me at my worst
There’s no kismet. Nothing’s written in stone
There’s a lot to love ‘bout being alone
It still could happen somehow
But with or without - I think I’m happening now.
You know what they say - Cards fall where they may
Cupid’s your croupier
Snap, poker or fish – play what you wish
I’m happy with solitaire
And if you don’t want my best
You don't deserve me at my worst
It can’t be over-stressed
You don't deserve me at my worst
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7. |
I've Earned This (BROAD)
04:37
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Kaftans, and turbans, and comfortable shoes
Going home early and watching the news
Leopard print jumpsuits and bangles galore
Dripping with ore – like Zsa Zsa Gabor
It’s plastic – I don’t give a shit? I’ve earned this
Bunions, and leg cramps and crepe paper skin
Award nominations but oh so few wins…
My unruly hormones refuse to behave
My menstrual phase - one foot in the grave
Hey! That’s why razors exist – I’ve earned this.
I’ve been called bitter, a fat bloke in drag
I’m racing to hell in a basket
That’s not enough to deter this “old hag”
You’re stuck with this duck ‘til she’s chucked in a casket
From sold out theatres, to half empty rooms
Kids shows, and shit-shows run by sexist goons
Pursued by producers, who’ll corner a chick
Say they love your schtick
Then whip out their prick
Then say it’s our fault they’re a dick!
I earned this…(swallows in a drink)
Key change
I spent more than half of my life navel-gazing
This crick in my neck’s telling me I’m amazing
It’s too short a life to obsess ‘bout your thighs
There’s plenty of guys – who’d gladly oblige
If you’re breathing you’re taking a risk - I’ve earned this.
Thirty odd years since I wrote my first song
Still panic ‘bout my sales every night
I’ve flown under the radar so long
The US government’s approaching me for a drone strike
You dodge all these bullets intended to harm yer
Try smelting them down, and forge them into armour
I’m disillusioned with self-medication
Time for profusions of self-adulation
I’m bursting my Spanx chrysalis – I’ve earned this.
I’ve earned THIS
And THESE
My catastrophic knees
My gargantuan abdominal driiiiiift
I’ve earned this
I’ve earned this
I’ve earned this
It sounds like I’m taking the piss
I’ve earned this
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8. |
Pretty Girl (BROAD)
02:38
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11. |
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(Instrumental)
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12. |
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13. |
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Give me an object
Give me a town
Give me an action
And I will astound
Conjured from nothing
By using my wits
And just enough vigour
To give you the shits
It's tango with words
Oration in dance
I will do an accent
If given the chance
I'm actor, I'm singer
Director and clown
Impelled by my hatred
For writing things down
Weaving magic with suggestions from the crowd
I don't mean to boast but I am the most
I must say the quiet part loud
Am I Master of Impro? (YES! AND!)
Creating the universe out of thin air
Master of Impro! (YES! AND!)
Give me a prompt - if you dare...
I impro for fun! I impro for life!
I impro at work and at my neighbour's wife
Impro in the evening, impro in the morn
But if you say "improv" I'll kill your first born
Am I Master of Impro? (YES! YES AND!)
Scoring a hat-trick in drama football
Master of Impro! (YES! AND AND!)
And I'm not annoying at all
Not at all
I'm not annoying at all
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Geraldine Quinn Melbourne, Australia
Geraldine Quinn is a multi-award-winning writer-actor-songwriter-rock cabaretiér. She's been nominated for 26 Green Room
Awards (winning 6), 3 Melbourne Comedy Festival Golden Gibbo Awards (winning in 2011), Best Cabaret in Adelaide Fringe (2013), 2 NZ Fringe Awards (2014) and was nominated for Most Outstanding Show in MICF 2022.
She's healthily enamoured of David Bowie & not at all obsessed.
... more
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