1. |
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I left the porch light on last night hoping it'd guide me right back to a place
I know I should go
When I awoke, swear that the glass that I last looked through was breathing
Heartbeat slow
Take the road I know I'll crash in
There, I used to pray that things would change while nothing happened
Begging for a sign, I see His name, well, there you have it
Once you leave, you miss what you ain't have, there you have it, oh-oh
So until the light goes out, I'll sit and watch it fade
'Cause one hundred twenty-three means nothing when it's all gone in one day
I'll drive for miles and I'll hope this end won't be dead
And I know I won't survive behind a white picket fence
"I don't know where you are," it's not like I can go far
I think I know why they all left
They say to reach for the stars, but they look way too far
I'll count the planes over my head
I’m feeling subhuman 'cause my soul never left my hometown
Stare at the sun till I’m blind, hope that’ll help pass the time
Then run the circles till my feet are red
I’ll try to find the voice I thought had left
I'm reaching for what's better left unsaid
Screaming, “Chekhov, pull the trigger, I've been holding out for so long”
More uncanny valleys taking over and it’s so wrong
Can’t stand the white noise of what a small town has to say
I’ll cut my losses in lost cause, I won’t stop until the world knows my name
I'll drive for miles to find where I might make some sense
I know that I won't survive in the wake of what's been left
"I don't know where you are," it's not like I can go far
With made-up signs held under my breath
They say to reach for the stars, you know the brighter they are
They always burn out before the rest
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2. |
six
02:22
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It only took one look in your eyes
To know when the credits would roll
But don't leave me to my own devices
You know better than to let go
And when I'll ask you how you've been, you'll say, "Just fine"
As if you weren't the last to go home
Just don't leave me to my own devices
I know better than to let go
You know I'm not too good at being on my own
And I can only fall asleep when you're on the phone
But now I don't know who to call when I'm alone
Or when I'm six shots deep and on the drunk walk home
And if you never really loved me, that's okay
I'll just keep giving up myself till I get one day
I know I'll find someone to call when I'm alone
But till he comes, I'll have one more shot for the road
I knew as soon as I kissed goodbye
Pushed you away to prove my control
But don't let my impulses decide this
Don't think that it won't prove what I know
And when I ask you to hold on, you say, "I'm trying"
As if I don't call lying eyes home
But don't let my impulses decide this
I'm scared that it might prove what I know
Thought I was really good at being on my own
But I can only fall asleep when we’re both at home
And I know I shouldn’t call when I'm alone
So now it’s six shots, begging my friends for my phone
And if you changed your mind about me, that’s okay
I’ll just keep smiling to your face, hope that’ll make you stay
I know I’ll find someone to call when I'm alone
But when he comes, I hope he won’t mind our drunk walks home
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3. |
ulterior motives
01:48
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I’m not being cynical, I just think it’s typical
That you could change your mind about me
I’ve never been the type to lie, if that’s something you can buy
But I know that you know about me
'Cause you loved me when I was still smoking
And eyeing the exit, attitude in a red dress
So where do you want me
Now that we're pacing the line
Of annoying hindsight
From your friends that think that you need better?
Hold my hand as I red line, racing your green light
Dad never taught me to slow
Down the backroads we drove on our first date
If we crash, am I reaching for you or the bottle?
If I know so much about life, why did I let you in mine?
You want the best, I want the worst I can find
Let’s say I know one day you'll be fine, I know one day, so will I
I know how hard it gets to hold down a lie
Hold my hand as I flatline, racing against time
Dad never taught me to slow
Down the backroads that lead right to your gate
If I crash, am I reaching for you or the bottle?
So keep coming back
You know that you're the last thing that I could ever want to lose
I'll keep saying that this time it'll last
Like it's not just something to prove
You know I won't mean it 'cause I don't believe it
And I'll say anything to win
I know it's not worth it, and you don't deserve it
But I pull loose ends like a kid
Watch me go as I red eye
Chasing the limelight
I'd give anything to be known
Pull the tower, I'll rush what's in my fate
Once it's ash, am I reaching for you or the—?
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4. |
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Gets a little ad hom when you call out the look on my face
Every time that we're fighting
I think we could make it if we fake it with a little more time
But I know I'm lying
By the time it's over, I'll be gone without a trace
And we're both left wanting what was never meant to stay
'Cause the stars, they're brighter when you're out of sight
And I'll cry about it all on the way home
Sparkling, glistening like the tears in your eyes
But I'd rather be crazy than right
I'd rather be crazy than right
Tell me, are you proud
Of the way I can reflect your brain
Even when you go silent?
I say, "I could leave you if I wanted to in the blink of an eye"
'Cause I'm good at lying
I hate that I am you
You think it’s all fun and games
But if you even want to, I’m still here waiting for change
'Cause the stars, they're brighter when you're out of sight
And I'll cry about it all on the way home
Sparkling, glistening like the tears in your eyes
But I'd rather be crazy than right
I'd rather be crazy than right
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5. |
the start
02:36
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I'm too far gone, it's so easy to forget
I'll come back down to greet the voice I thought had left
Will I still be afraid once he's gone?
I always step away
I know him more than I know me
I'm scared to entertain the thought that he's next up to leave
Well, he said it was only the start
I'm so afraid of what happens when I let down my guard
'Cause I don't know what will happen if I push us too far
Is it you or your misery that wants me to stick around?
I’ve never liked the light, too much that I don’t want to see
I can’t afford to lose my little known consistency
But I’m so afraid of the dark
Always taught that I can’t want, that it’s a sin to feed my greed
Only took what I could get, but she said anything for me
And she quiets the sorries from my scars
I'm so afraid of what happens when I let down my guard
Think I know what’ll happen when I push us too far
Can it be you, not your misery, that wants me to stick around?
If I look you in the eye and get down on both my knees
Can you crawl under my skin and take my soul from underneath?
As long as it's yours and not mine
I look for ways to change, scared this is all I’ll ever be
When you force me to look in, maybe I’ll actually want to see
If I bury myself in your mind
I'm so afraid of what happens when I let down my guard
'Cause I don't know what will happen if I push us too far
Is it you or your misery that wants me to stick around?
You see, I hate to imagine that when you hold my heart
It isn't love, it's just power that I let go too far
Can it be you, not your misery that wants me to stick around?
(Is it you or your misery that wants me to stick around?)
Can it be you, not your misery that wants me to stick around?
(Is it you or your misery?)
But I know it's only the start
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6. |
bite the bullet
04:29
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I’m sorry
For stuttering when I said I love you
Think I was afraid it’d be the last time
You’re falling
Asleep in my alt-rock band tee
After a late-night drive home
Does it make you feel I’m near?
(Make you feel I'm near?)
Move slowly
So we can kill off more time
And I can pretend that you’re mine
For an hour or two and
You can deny you feel the same
Waiting for our turpentine to
Take over the empty spaces of my
Spotless mind
Mumble that you wish you stayed too
Now we have the chance to get this right
So which of us will bite the bullet?
I'm sorry
For waiting when you told me not to
Think I'm just too used to the long game
It's a cycle I know but I just can't break
I've fallen
Too deep and I know I shouldn't want to
Say, "What would you ever do without me?"
Well, sometimes, I wish that you weren't even here to lose some day
Tell me that you love me and I
Promise I can look the other way
I'll pretend that I'm fine leaving
You can swear that you're the one to take the blame
But which of us will bite the bullet?
Blame everyone but you when we both
Know that it takes two to get this bloody
And if you knew I'd never make up my mind
(Well, it was always by design)
Then you must have known that it would haunt me
Wasn't enough just to walk away
Tell me, have you ever seen the end my way?
Waiting for our turpentine to
(Tell me that you love me and I)
Take over the empty spaces of my
(Promise I can look the other way)
Spotless mind
(No, no, no)
Mumble that you wish you stayed too
(I'll pretend that I'm fine leaving)
Now we have the chance to get it right
(You can swear that you're the one to take the blame)
So which of us will bite the bullet?
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Debaser San Francisco, California
suburban royalty
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