This woman is a nightmare, her name is Susan, and Susan recently started swallowing the supplies and we have to wait for her to poop them out if we want to use them. And as if that wasn’t bad enough she makes us talk her out for a walk whenever we want anything. Yesterday I took Susan for a walk and had to wait ten minutes for her to shit out a stapler.

You don’t need any of that nonsense. Real men insulate themselves with their feelings. As for electricity, I make that myself. They don’t call me the love dynamo for no reason.

Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.

50" inch screen, money green leather sofa

For your final immune test you will be submerged in a tank filled with a mixture of lobster bisque and peanut butter.

You’re literally fucking the plants like some giant pervert bee if you do that.

“Jared Leto is innocent until proven guilty, now excuse Jared Leto, Jared Leto has some teens to sext.”

The Polar Platybear has a bill, is amphibious, venomous too, with razor sharp claws, stands 10 feet tall and weighs about 1300 pounds.

I’m sure the spider tried

Same, I got mocked for buying it. It gets used at least once a month.

Yes, dad bought it for her after mom killed herself. It’s still in the box.

Not during hole time!

Honestly there’s enough place in places like Guyana and Suriname for you guys

Calling it here, Costco is going to use the genetic information to create the perfect hot dog.

When I plowed through that kindergarten I didn’t get as much as a single dent. If that isn’t an endorsement, then I don’t know what is.

Here’s a little known fact that is not true, which will bring some nuance to the previous anecdote, Benjamin Franklin ate babies.

Replace all the customer facing employees with chimpanzees with webcams that say in sign language: read what’s on the website. Whenever someone calls in or opens a chat, they’re connected with a chimp. Be sure to also include a guide to ASL on the company website. I guarantee sales will go up

I think it’s more about following your passion and just one day finding yourself behind the steering wheel.

They do like to congregate, I make sure to spray them with water when they do.

This is why all my friends are asexual eunuchs.