hello hi :)

i need some help with managing stress so i can make more art and music and such

also just advice in general on how to exist comfortably

might delete this because it reads as a vent post but that's not really the intent here

for the past 4 - 5 years there's been some people who have made my home kind of hard to work in, and since they live next to me its a near constant presence. They spend a lot of time outside of my house and there's been points where they've tried looking through my windows while talking about me

i avoid certain parts of my house, like my bedroom. My bedroom is actually only used for sleeping and even when i do sleep, i'm blasting ridiculously loud noises into my ears to block these scrotes out because hearing not so nice things about me while i try to sleep isn't the best feeling in the world

this has gotten better though

i stay out of there because they listen in on me quite a bit when i make my presence known

i don't know why they are so obsessed with me. Im not that handsome

but yeah, everything you have seen from me has been done from my cold dining room on a really hard uncomfortable chair. Even there i'm not entirely safe - like i mentioned before they look through my windows

quite a while ago they got cars and now they rev engines at like 3am (also throughout the day) so i'm always running on no sleep as on top of this when they come home they run around and slam doors and a lot more, for hours. Sometimes i wonder what they could possibly be doing because it sounds like they are getting chased by a bear

i live in a quiet rural area so they stand out quite a lot against the usual bird chirping

oh also they stand in large groups outside my house blocking my driveway which is fun

when i come home they all stare at me and its not like a side-eye type situation its unbroken eye contact until i go through the door its really strange. I feel kind of stressed out by this and i end up like, doing a strut with my thumbs out of my pockets which looks cringy but genuinely what the fuck do you do when there are like 17 goons in front of your house staring at you. Actually the guy got quite mad over me doing this i heard him shouting about how i thought i was stronger than him, which yes i do think that ;)

due to this and other factors which i cant be asked to get in to (quite a bit of it a sense of dread regarding my future which is fun) there is always a pit in my stomach, and i am always in a fight or flight state with there being a constant high baseline of stress. On top of that there's like a million bursts of adrenaline throughout the day. All of this leaves me exhausted and i am a fatigued lad a lot of the time. Also funnily enough its hard to draw when you are shaking from stress

i'm sorry if this affects how consistent i am and how much i post ik i post like once in a blue moon and id like to change that

on top of all this i'm just lazy in general and that's my fault. I don't like excuses and i don't want to use my (not even that bad in comparison to what some people go through) circumstances as one. I still need to do things to a normal standard

anyway its like 2:30am and im tired i should stop writing hasta luego have a good day

this person is also in a relationship with his sister i just thought i should add in that fun fact