Roseanne was married on Valentine's Day. And gee, you know, as romantic as that sounds, I find myself far more interested in almost anything else that is going on on the face of the planet.
“That’s a Grammy that every artist wants — almost as much as Trump wants Greenland. Which makes sense because, since Epstein’s gone, he needs a new island to hang out with Bill Clinton. I told you, it’s my last year! What are you going to do about it?”
Late yesterday, the House Subcommittee investigating Newt Gingrich finally issued its long-awaited report, recommending that the Speaker be given a reprimand, and a three hundred thousand dollar fine, for minor ethical violations. Gingrich has promised to come up with the money promptly. Although he admits, it is going to involve GIANT ethical violations.
A French man who calls himself "The Snake Man" was arrested this week after climbing up the side of a Manhattan high rise. Yep, he climbed right up the side of a high rise. Just like a snake!
Well, the much talked-about film "Showgirls" opened this week. And here is my review. Basically a high-budget porno film, Showgirls is a thinly-veiled excuse to show lots of naked buttocks, legs, and breasts. On a scale of one to ten... I give it a ten.
Across the nation this Monday, banks and government offices will be closed in observance of Martin Luther King's birthday. Meanwhile, at the Riverbend Maximum Security Prison in Nashville, Dr. King's assassin, James Earl Ray, will spend the day being raped continuously.
The Food and Drug Administration announced today that while one ounce of Special K with four ounces of milk IS a good dietary source of protein... ... one ounce of Special K with five ounces of milk is DEADLY POISON.
The Walt Disney Company has announced plans to build a three hundred million dollar hotel and entertainment complex in New York's Times Square. Construction begins next spring on their first attraction: Crack Whores of the Caribbean.
This is the only known photograph of terrorist Tahia Ayosh, Palestine's top bomb maker. To reassure you that there's little cause for alarm, however, you should know that this picture was taken by Palestine's top photographer.
In the new movie, Mrs. Winterbourne, talk show host Ricki Lake plays the part of a young mother-to-be. According to the film's producers, Ms. Lake was so serious about achieving a realistic pregnant look, she forced herself to lose thirty pounds.
A fifty-one year old cosmonaut set a world space endurance record this week, after spending three hundred and sixty-seven days aboard the Russian space station MIR. And also, as a side note, he also smashed his own masturbation record.
According to researchers in Australia, koala bears have fingerprints so close to those of human beings, that they can easily be mistaken by police at the scene of a crime. It should be noted, however, that the research was funded by O.J. Simpson. So...
Last week, in Arizona, Marine Corps Engineers extended a steel barrier between the United States and Mexico by two and a half miles. It's all part of a plan to make... uh... illegal aliens walk an extra two and a half miles.
Well, more bad news for ice cream moguls Ben and Jerry, and their contuining battle with the Food and Drug Adminstration. This week, the FDA banned their newest flavor: Stuff From Ben's Beard.
An independent study released this week confirms that President Clinton has appointed more minorities to high-level government posts than any other president. For purposes of the study, women were counted as minorities. And Attorney General Janet Reno was counted as a woman.
Roseanne Was Married On Valentine’s Day
Trump threatens to sue Grammys over Trevor Noah joke ( theneedledrop.com )
“That’s a Grammy that every artist wants — almost as much as Trump wants Greenland. Which makes sense because, since Epstein’s gone, he needs a new island to hang out with Bill Clinton. I told you, it’s my last year! What are you going to do about it?”
Newt Gingrich Reprimand & Fine
Harrison Ford's New Mustache
The Snake Man
Showgirls Film
Martin Luther King's Birthday
Special K
Walt Disney in Times Square
Palestine's Top Bomb Maker
Ricki Lake's New Movie
Cosmonaut's World Space Endurance Record
Koala Bears' Fingerprints
Marine Corps Engineers Extend a Steel Barrier
Dow Jones Industrial Average
Bad News For Ben & Jerry
President Clinton’s Appointees
Amtrak's Speed Limit
Thomas Hennessy’s High School Diploma
Hunting Licenses for Blind People
Oldest Known Human Ancestor
New OJ Trial Juror
James Carvill & Mary Matalin
The Red Wine Pill
Michael Bolton's Christmas Album
Dennis Rodman's New Book
Robert Auger
Bell Atlantic's New Plan
Crack Babies
The Menendez Brothers Back In Court
A Survey By The Women's Vote Project ( piefedimages.s3.eu-central-003.backblazeb2.com )
Donald Trump's Boxing Bet
Ted Kaczynski's Trial
Charlton Heston
Kenny G Setting A World Record
People Who Quit Smoking
TWO EXTRA ON CHRISTMAS DAY! EDIT - **THREE**!
Just a heads up, check back on Christmas Day for two extra posts (one in the morning and one in the afternoon) that are Christmas themed!
Labor Department Task Force
Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Rats With Spinal Cord Injuries
Tickle Me Elmo
OJ’s Civil Trial
Marv Albert Convicted
Richard Gere’s Primal Fear
Madalyn Murray O’Hair Is Missing
San Francisco Birthday Party
Yasser Arafat
The WNBA